Author Topic: Love Stinks Part II: The New Beginning  (Read 22046 times)

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Loveshack

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Re: Love Stinks Part II: The New Beginning
« Reply #30 on: December 28, 2008, 11:15:56 AM »
3. Next time, take a cab. You're 25 years old so stop acting like a child.

I didn't want to have to go back the next morning for my car, that would have been awkward.  On the other hand, I could have played that angle so I could have couch-surfed and...shit.  :inquisitive:

There was a time when I thought that this girl would be the one, and then I got over it after the better part of a decade.  Then another girl came along that you can read about in the above posts.  It didn't work out.  Then I run into the first girl again without having any amorous or carnal intentions, but then she starts acting kinda strange...
« Last Edit: December 28, 2008, 11:21:41 AM by Loveshack »
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Jeff

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Re: Love Stinks Part II: The New Beginning
« Reply #31 on: December 28, 2008, 11:50:07 AM »
It doesn't sound like she's acting strange, it sounds like she's acting mildly flirty. Which is not a surprising condition to be in when a) around old friends and b) drunk. I think girls, or at least some girls, can be more casually flirty around guys when they're comfortable that nothing is going to come of it, i.e. engaged/involved guys or longtime 'friend-zoners' like you.

Brugdor

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Re: Love Stinks Part II: The New Beginning
« Reply #32 on: December 28, 2008, 06:27:03 PM »
and booze probably didn't help things.

This is an understated summary of the entire evening IMO.

"When planning a new picture we don't think of grown ups and we don't think of children but just of that fine, clean, unspoiled spot down deep in every one of us that maybe the world has made us forget and that maybe our pictures can help recall." - Walt Disney

Petrarch

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Re: Love Stinks Part II: The New Beginning
« Reply #33 on: December 28, 2008, 07:58:11 PM »
Couple of things:

It's time for you to let it go and move on, it's obviously doing you no good.

To be totally blunt, if you ever drive a car while over the limit again, I hope you get caught and before anyone gets hurt. I really don't care how awkward it would have been, but that's nothing compared to the danger you exposed yourself and others to. Inexcusable.

Loveshack

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Re: Love Stinks Part II: The New Beginning
« Reply #34 on: December 28, 2008, 11:32:03 PM »
...or longtime 'friend-zoners' like you.

Ordinarily, I would agree with you about the "Friend Zone".  I hate the Friend Zone.  But... it hasn't stopped her before.  Of course, she knew some of these guys for about five less years than she's known me.  I don't know if that makes a huge difference when you've known someone since kindergarten.  I have to wonder if it's a "me" thing.

...To be totally blunt, if you ever drive a car while over the limit again...

I don't know for a fact that I was over the limit.  I'd had like ten beers spaced out over two hours, some of it was in pitchers.  I'm a big man, too.  But if I'd had an option stay, I felt buzzed enough that that would have been wiser.
« Last Edit: December 28, 2008, 11:38:25 PM by Loveshack »
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Jeff

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Re: Love Stinks Part II: The New Beginning
« Reply #35 on: December 29, 2008, 01:19:03 AM »
It's cute that for everything I say, you find a reason in there to think you've got a chance.

Did I say cute? I meant stalkerish.

And next time man up and at least ask for the couch. You can cry softly into a pillow while you hold yourself, or whatever.

Loveshack

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Re: Love Stinks Part II: The New Beginning
« Reply #36 on: December 29, 2008, 05:56:50 AM »
It's cute that for everything I say, you find a reason in there to think you've got a chance.

Hope spring eternal, even false hope.

Did I say cute? I meant stalkerish.

There is a difference.  I'm not mentally ill or anything.  I just really liked her, and I am really socially awkward in regards to "The Game" or whatever you want to call it, so I'm sometimes at a loss about how to deal with things like this and the emotions they bring.  It's not something I've had to deal with a lot. 
« Last Edit: December 29, 2008, 05:58:26 AM by Loveshack »
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Silver Dragon

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Re: Love Stinks Part II: The New Beginning
« Reply #37 on: December 29, 2008, 06:39:47 AM »
I don't know for a fact that I was over the limit.  I'd had like ten beers spaced out over two hours, some of it was in pitchers.  I'm a big man, too.  But if I'd had an option stay, I felt buzzed enough that that would have been wiser.

What?  Seriously, what?  10 beers in 2 hours and you think you're okay to drive?
Check this out.   http://bloodalcoholcalculator.org/   Granted, BAC calculators are only estimates because they only take into account a handful of factors (like weight, gender, number of drinks, and time frame) that go into how intoxicated someone becomes, so this thing is only a basic estimate, but, at 10 beers in 2 hours, you'd have to weigh in the neighborhood of 360 pounds to be under the legal limit of .08%.  And that's just barely.  Now, I could be wrong here, but the last picture I recall seeing of you, I wouldn't have guessed you in or near the 350+ pound category.  If so, then just tell me to shaddup and I'll go back to playing WoW :)
LISTER: Look, I don't want any toast, and he doesn't want any toast.  In fact, no one around here wants any toast. Not now, not ever. NO TOAST.
TOASTER: How 'bout a muffin?
LISTER: OR muffins!  OR muffins!  We don't LIKE muffins 'round here!  We want no muffins, no toast, no teacakes, no buns, baps, baguettes or bagels, no croissants, no crumpets, no pancakes, no potato cakes and no hot-cross buns and DEFINITELY no smegging flapjacks!
TOASTER: Aah, so you're a waffle man!

Loveshack

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Re: Love Stinks Part II: The New Beginning
« Reply #38 on: December 29, 2008, 09:43:31 AM »
I weigh 366 at the moment, so I have a high tolerance.  Come to think of it: weighing 366 might be a factor in this.  It's kind of hard to be taken seriously in romantic pursuits when you've got that doughy teddy bear and/or Carl from Aqua Teen Hunger Force thing going on.  Still, better than this time last year when I weighed 4 bills. (Trust me, that's not a pleasant weight.)

Also, ladies, I'm sorry if I offended any of you in the misogynistic posting.  I was drunk, which I've been told absolves me of all responsibility for my actions.  Okay, seriously, I was venting my frustration with two women onto ALL women, which wasn't right.  I wasn't thinking clearly.  For future reference, if I say anything like that again, please assume that excludes any of you unless I name names or something.

This guy is in a similar situation.  I think it was dumb to think that I can keep being friends with her.  It's not that I don't enjoy her company or anything.  It's just that even when I try to make myself just enjoy her friendship, I can't do it because in the back of my mind, I want more.  So even though I'm dying to spend time with her, even as her friend, it's an exercise in self-torture.  It doesn't help that mutual friends keep encouraging her to date me.  This wasn't at my request, by the way.  I think I may have to tell her as much.  Something like.

I'm sorry, but I can't view you as my friend because that's not what you are to me.  We both want something from each other that we can't provide; and that's not fair to either of us.  You want me to be your friend, and believe me I want to be that for you, but I'm not able to keep lying about it.  I love you, and that's why I can't spend any more time with you.

Sounds good in print, and is probably the right thing to do, (though, like I've said before, I'm bad at this.), Putting it into practice sounds very painful, and I'd rather take a bullet for someone.
« Last Edit: December 29, 2008, 10:48:47 AM by Loveshack »
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Shard

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Re: Love Stinks Part II: The New Beginning
« Reply #39 on: December 29, 2008, 11:18:26 AM »
I say this coming from a dude who also used to be overweight, insecure and way too concerned with chicks...but dude, pull yourself the fuck out of this. First off you need to separate yourself both from this chick and probably most girls in your life for a while, because when you're lonely you see shit that isn't there and hope for things that both won't be and shouldn't be.

Then, m'friend, work on whatever it is you need to do to fix yourself. Whatever your insecurities are, fix the problem. People telling you to stop feeling insecure isn't going to work, I know that, so just do what it takes and fix what's *causing* them. When you are seriously ok with who you are, people know that. Even people who aren't that conscious of themselves or other peoples feelings have an innate ability to read other people through body language. You can't fake confidence, people know. And when you can look yourself in the mirror and know that there isn't anything more you could be doing to be a better you, cheesy as that sounds, that's when you've reached a point where it's damn near impossible to still feel insecure. Remove guilt from your life.

Cause I'm gonna level with you, every post I've seen you make about chicks reminds me of a 16 year old me. And that guy was one awkward mother fucker around the ladies, fo' realz. You're still young and have time to fix that shit in time to be young enough to reap and enjoy the rewards. My first suggestion is start working out religiously. You force yourself through the first three weeks and after that you get not only the joy of the weight loss but the exertion and endorphins will keep the tension away and leave you with a feeling of just being more ok with things. And if you're even remotely like I was, and you don't have to say whether you are or aren't, a lot, if not most, of your guilt and insecurity comes just from being that overweight and feeling like you've just let it happen and continue to do nothing about it. If you put in even half the effort I did you'll be fit, thin and possibly buff in a year and a half, two years. You work *as* hard as I did, it could happen in 6 to 9 months. And the work *is* worth it because I don't feel the need to use kid gloves with a guy in his mid twenties, you're right, being a fatty fat fat makes finding women extremely difficult. Most girls don't mind a guy who is 10, 20, hell, maybe even 30 or 40 pounds overweight, depending on your height and frame and how well you can personally pull that off, but once you've hit 50 pounds over what you're supposed to weigh, you better be damned rich, damned successful or damned lucky if you expect to find a halfway decent girl who goes ga-ga over you. That is, unless, you're one of those guys who is genuinely and truly confident in spite of their looks *and* has the character and charisma to pull that off (Hint: You aren't, or you wouldn't be posting stuff like this)

Just don't half ass it, do it right. Keep the calories in the 1200-1800 per day region for a while, and make sure you work out at least 60-90 minutes a day. Use Cardio only as a warm-up and cool down, at first, and focus on building muscle which burns more calories even at rest and then add in more Cardio over time when you're more concerned about stamina and fitness than appearance. And, lastly, listen to Night Owl. Women don't belong on a pedestal nor do they want to be there.
« Last Edit: December 29, 2008, 11:44:38 AM by Shard »

lara

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Re: Love Stinks Part II: The New Beginning
« Reply #40 on: December 29, 2008, 11:58:18 AM »
I know a guy who has been besotted with me for almost 2 years, and it drives me batshit insane that even though he was (and i suppose, is) a great guy with whom i had a great friendship, i can't so much as compliment his new haircut without his face lighting up, heralding the imminent arrival of yet another 'I need to tell you how I feel, just give me a chance, I swear we were meant to be together' conversation. He pretty much forces me to treat him badly, because if i show any affection (hugging him when he got promoted) he takes it as a sign that i am desperate to bear his children. I dont really believe in mixed signals - only people who want to see something that isnt there. 

Shard

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Re: Love Stinks Part II: The New Beginning
« Reply #41 on: December 29, 2008, 12:00:44 PM »
She's got a point.

I have a life philosophy that I adopted 5 or 6 years ago that I've stood firmly by, and it has served me well in the time since.

If you are not 100% sure a chick is into you, she just flatout isn't. If she *was* into you, you would know, you wouldn't need to be guessing.

Loveshack

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Re: Love Stinks Part II: The New Beginning
« Reply #42 on: December 29, 2008, 12:01:07 PM »
Yeah, Lara's probably right here.  I was probably subconsciously looking for signals.
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Loveshack

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Re: Love Stinks Part II: The New Beginning
« Reply #43 on: December 29, 2008, 12:03:06 PM »
If you are not 100% sure a chick is into you, she just flatout isn't. If she *was* into you, you would know, you wouldn't need to be guessing.

You sure about that?  What about this "Game" I've heard so much about.  You know, "The Dance"?  You're telling me that it doesn't exist?
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Shard

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Re: Love Stinks Part II: The New Beginning
« Reply #44 on: December 29, 2008, 12:06:33 PM »
No probably about it. That's sort of what I was talking about, you can't let your mind get involved with maybes and probablies anymore. That leaves room for "Welllll, maybe not". And that's when you end up in situations like these.

Just trust me on this. Take a time out from girls, mentally and physically. The physically will have to come first, though. Otherwise you just wind up back in old habits.