Ill regret this (felt like babbling)

[PsychoPompos]

Reality is fucked, how long have i seen the world with rose colored glasses?  Im fucking lost, ive always known that, but at least im not alone cuz it seems the whole world is lost too.  theres no point in trying to figure it out, when we do it just changes pretty quick so we get to wander through the fog until we find something vaguely familier

this sucks, incoherent shit like this at 3 AM, i need something better to do

or i need to remember how to sleep

theres no real point to any of it, i think thats what makes us free, not knowing or, more importantly, not caring.  Life has changed and all i can do is live the moment free from jusdgement (and as it seems, quite often with chemical aid)  The only thing i have left to really care about is my family, or those i consider family, id give my life for any one of them.

Right now i realize how little i truly know, and how small my piece of the world is.  All that ive really cared about is a fraction of what i remember it as, all that ive ever learned might as wel be scrapped and everything i have could be gone tomorrow and id still be calmly apathetic.  Thats what few realize, how little we truly need to live.  They become so possessed by the things they attach themselves to and they lose any point they had.  I need to get out of here, the monotony of whats around me is destroying whatever is left of my mind.

Its ironic, that so much clarity will seem like such absolute bullshit as early as the next sunrise.  Its happened before and it will probly happen again.  so many revaltions lost, i wonder what it would be like, to survive in that constant bliss of apiphany.  Ha, sometimes i even wonder about the self inflated value of human life.  Why do we keep going? Hell, i think if i didnt care so much about those around me i wouldnt care so much if i died. 

Dont get me wrong, i like living, but the other side of the coin seems fairly interesting too. Whatever, i need something to occupy my time and my mind. Want to join me?

HaHa, ive lost my damn mind (and couldnt be happier)

Some of this crap ive figured out before, but now ive decided to share with the world.  sharing.... reminds me of kindergarden

[BlueCross]

The problem with death is... well... it's rather irrevocable.  It's not like you can change your mind later.

It's also rather selfish but that can be a bit harder to see.

However, "reality is fucked" and "I'm fucking lost" are not that uncommon core beliefs.  Just add on "people are really fucking stupid" and you have completed the triumvirate.  That advantage of adopting the third bit is now you can look at all the insanity about you and just laugh at it.  And if you have buddies who can laugh with you, so much the better.  I don't do the chemical or alcohol enhancements (anymore) to give me a laugh boost but in small moderated doses, it might be OK.

Oh... and sex is good, too.  If it's an option.

Hmm... did I leave anything out?

*thinks*

Oh, yeh...  42!

[Brugdor]

Interesting in that my problem is pretty much the opposite of yours. I know we have a purpose. I just don't know what mine is anymore. When I was healthy I felt like God was using me in many ways to touch the lives of those around me. Now, being stuck at home most of the time, I really don't know if I make a difference at all.

I suppose I feel like Joseph when he was sold into slavery and then imprisoned. It was all for a purpose but Joseph didn't know that at the time. Only I'm not handling it nearly as well as he did. I'm handling it more like Job when he got sick which wasn't nearly as impressive heh.

Anyway, I'm ready to go whenever God calls me home but there are so many people I care about who God could use me to reach that I don't want to leave before my time is up. I just wish He'd actually use me to do that...or pretty much anything at this point. Instead I seem to be going backwards. My apnea appears to be getting worse again which means I'll be struggling with sleep more again despite my new dental device which seems to be doing a good job for me when I can wear it.

Our place in the universe might be insignificant but we can still change the lives of those around us for the better and that is definitely significant to them. If you feel you don't have a purpose then maybe adopt the idea that you will make the lives of those you care about better in some way. It can't hurt.

[The SysMan]

Zen masters have come to realise such things as well.
One must let go of all attachments - opinions, beliefs, possessions - before you can understand what is really necessary for you to live.

And then, only take what you need to surivive.
Often that doesn't include a hairdryer in the desert. >.>

[BlueCross]

Comb the desert!   Do you hear me?  Comb the desert!

[PsychoPompos]

But of course, how could i forget the almighty 42?!

anyway i realize what your saying, but i think my main point was more of being happy with not knowing or not caring but still realizing it,
not neccasarily ignorance but more of a gentle content derived from realization.

Maybe the point of everything is that there is no point,
and as such we shouldnt try to burden our minds with things that will eventually become clear

what i wrote last night seems much darker than what i actually think.
its more like blissful melancholy, but striving on
knowing how fucked things can be and still seeing past them

[Night Owl]

you mean.... every tiny molucule in my fingernail could be..... one tiny little universe?















could I buy some pot from you?.....

[PsychoPompos]

I wont go schizo, will I?

[AcdQueen89]

i dont think you have anything to worry about, unless you've started talking to random people who seem to live in your computer.....

[PsychoPompos]

...crap

[Brugdor]

i dont think you have anything to worry about, unless you've started talking to random people who seem to live in your computer.....

You messed up the movie quote sequence

-5 points AcdQueen

[AcdQueen89]

what movie? wasnt aware i was quoting anything.

[Night Owl]

what movie? wasnt aware i was quoting anything.

man, NOW I feel old

[Solwyn]

Schizophrenia isn't so bad. It makes long, lonely car drives go by a lot faster.

[AcdQueen89]

man, NOW I feel old

i could just be that damn young.

and that sheltered