Life is awesome and awful

[Chucara]

I haven't really told anybody about this, but by the marvelous powers of internet semi-anonymity, this seems like a good place to unload my mind.

First of all, my girlfriend through 7 years is pregnant. This time everything is looking well. Last time ended in a very early miscarriage. I'm very much looking forward to being a father.

But speaking of fathers, mine is dying, 68 years old. Within the same week I found out I was going to be a father, I also found out that my own father has bladder cancer. It has spread to the lymph nodes and the pelvis, and doctors have already told us that the chemotherapy, he will receive will only be to prolong his life. There is no hope of a cure.

By some bizarre twist of fate, there is a risk that my son will never meet his grandfather - and that even if he does, he will never be able to remember him.

I literally have no idea how to feel right now.

[KMD]

Dude, where have you been? Gone for months and you drop this? 


Just dont worry. Dont stress yourself about your dad too much, its stressful enough to have a child. My grandmother died on my 3rd birthday. I dont remember her, but I still revere her through stories about her from my parents. They remind me a lot of myself. In a weird way, I feel like she is still with me because of that. Love your dad, pass his wisdom onto your children, and his memory will always live on.

Anyway, congratulations! I hope everything works out well for you.

[AcdQueen89]

I literally have no idea how to feel right now.

dont feel anything. (if she lets you) go to the bar and get pissed in celebration, enjoy it. If you can, take your dad. It sounds like there will be a point soon (probably when treatments are decided on) where he'll hate everyone for treating him like an invalid, a good night out will probably be the best thing you can give him right now (pre-grandkid). Then take it one step at a time. Involve your parents in some of the baby planning, your child may not ever realize it but he'll have some sort of connection to his grandfather. Then take another step.

[Chucara]

Thanks guys.. Yeah.. I've been lurking a lot lately

Sound advice you're giving, I suppose. Taking my dad to a bar is out of the question though, hehe. He's not the drinking type. I think we (my siblings and I) have agreed to make sure we enjoy every last moment we can have with him, and make sure we let him know how much we appreciate all he has done for us. Right up until he got sick, he's been helping us build our house.

This is just two very big pieces of news that are kinda hard to process at the same time.

[The Hanged Man]

When my Grandad found out that he was dying, the first thing he said was "What can you do when your shoes let water in?" It's probably the best attitude to have, the hardest, but still the best. I can see where you are coming from though, I don't know whether to offer my condolences first or congratulations. I still wish you both.

[BlueCross]

Sorry about the timing of these events.  I agree with AcdQueen that there will always be a connection between your Dad and your son, regardless of the death and birth dates.

It will be a tough time for sure,  but there are always the good bits as well.

[Desolo]

Hello, longtime no see... and first off congratulations on your soon to be father hood.... and secondly im sorry that your Father is sick...
All I can say is Love them as best you can, as long as you can....its all any of us can really do.

[TK]

You're about to start on the most exciting adventure of your life, sometimes it'll be like something from lord of the rings but it's a wonder all the same. 

You're also going to walk with your dad on the last leg of his, the only consolation is to know that it's a privilege to know that  you can have the time share everything you need to with him, not everyone can get that when a loved one leaves them.

Take that great adventure of fatherhood in his honour and he'll never leave you.