:ahem: It's that thread again

[KMD]

*The Official unwashed Drunk or High Thread*

You bastards didn't treat me to a drink at the bastard bar on my birthday.

:peeks around:


I see you there.

Yes you.

Who else would I be referring to you stump?

:points finger:

...

:curls finger to me:

Now listen here.

I bought a used book from the library. About making cocktails.
Half the book was about something called the "Tom Collins"
...
I'm sure most Americans have heard of it. I have. (gin cocktail)
..
Now I don't know who this "Tom Collins" is but if he a drink named after himself he must be a pretty badass guy.
OR
 it must be a badass drink.
So I go to a little local bar with a friend. And I order a "Tom Collins." Assuming shes heard of it before.
She has no idea. None at all. Never heard of it. Of course she knew how to [mix] drink[ed:s]! All Kinds.
And if she didn't she would try to make it.
[Ed: See what I did there with the sentence] So of course she did what was only logical. She made one.

--Tom Collins recipe--
via.drinkmixer.com

 Scale ingredients to  servings
2 oz gin
1 oz lemon juice
1 tsp superfine sugar
3 oz club soda
1 maraschino cher

Mix, preferably when listening to the tenth track from the Girl Talk Album "Feed the Animals".

Shaked not Stirred.
[Ed: I realized my mistake. Its just one letter cmon]


She poured them into a large highball glass. It was rather incredibly sweet, almost disgusting.
She even seriously doubted her skills.
"I don't know about this. This doesn't sound good"
"I won't charge you if decide you don't like it"
...
Of course I will finish my first cocktail ordered being 21. 2 Days after my birthday.

There you go Village. OC for you.
Youre welcome.

(Pic included: its the book in question)

Next up, the "Dirty Girl Scout".

Pretty comprehensible eh? /\ /\ /\ /\
-Cheers!

[TK]

Pretty comprehensible eh? /\ /\ /\ /\
-Cheers!

Yes, you must try harder, the point behind a drunk post is to be incomprehensible, rude or just plain offensive.  They should also make you hold your head in your hands with shame when you think of them and bring you out in a cold sweat when you read it back.  This was a failure by those metrics but your slightly rambling delivery shows promise.

I'd show you how to do it but I've forsworn being blind drunk,  that and I don't have the time to get into the required state.
Just remember that the path to drunk post glory is paved with shame and self loathing.

[Swash]

I thought the point of the drunk post was to say something/do something embarassing that you would ordinarily say/do if you were sober.  Not necessarily insulting or rude but just personally embarassing (though of course sometimes calling everyone names can be embarassing when the best name you can come up with while drunk is "fatty fat fat" or "doo doo head")

[BlueCross]

Since you Bastards are too lazy to look it up for yourselves...

The Great Tom Collins Hoax of 1874

[KMD]

Don't worry guys. Tonight I will post another that will hopefully meet, or even exceed your expectations. :nods:


 

[Hoopy Frood]

I find it a bit surprising that a bartender hasn't even heard of a Tom Collins.

[AcdQueen89]

I wont be tryong this anytime soon, but I might possibly "drink while it's lively" and have a drunken sexist rant. I hope ipad tying wont keep me away

[BlueCross]

I'd settle for a non-drunk sexist rant.

[AcdQueen89]

I ended up getting a full appology. Dont know if the drinking will happen

[Solwyn]

Yes, you must try harder, the point behind a drunk post is to be incomprehensible, rude or just plain offensive. 

For all the times yoau for that, but I told him. Whatwud you no, you have vagina!

And then so... so... I thinak. I thank I need a nother drink.

Cut me off? I cut u uoff. On yor head.

[KMD]

I wont be tryong this anytime soon, but I might possibly "drink while it's lively" and have a drunken sexist rant. I hope ipad tying wont keep me away

Alright lets get sexy

[KMD]

so yeah

You guys are prertty lame. lets get some shit started. quit lurking.
you all are roody poos.
rahh feck yoy vullage, you have si mch pontential but meh

[TK]

Come on try harder, I'm vaguely confused but not mortified for you or insulted.

[The Hanged Man]

I'd settle for a non-drunk sexist rant.

*Wakes up groaning and knocking a big pile of beer cans off his person*

Yuo... SODS... women and there feminine... er... stuff if I hd a uero for ever... wait... wha? Wah were we talking about?
Oh ye! Teh Cyclism... Cyclo... Cyclists.... nug humping dirt farmers evry onee of them... grr... OH A PENNY!
*Gets down to pick it up but collapses*

[KMD]

I'd settle for a non-drunk sexist rant.

*Wakes up groaning and knocking a big pile of beer cans off his person*

Yuo... SODS... women and there feminine... er... stuff if I hd a uero for ever... wait... wha? Wah were we talking about?
Oh ye! Teh Cyclism... Cyclo... Cyclists.... nug humping dirt farmers evry onee of them... grr... OH A PENNY!
*Gets down to pick it up but collapses*

According to wikipedia regarding UK Drinking Laws...

"Between the ages of 5 and 17, it is legally permissible for children to drink alcohol at home or at a friend's house with the permission of a parent or legal guardian.[75]

The minimum age for the purchase of alcohol is 18. People aged 16 or 17 may consume wine, beer or cider on licensed premises when ordered with a meal."

*My face when I see a bunch of drunk children in the UK*

P.S. The Legal Drinking age in the U.S. is 21 years