*****ing tech support

[Solwyn]

I dunno what it is man, but you figure someone like me who works in the IT field would be able to communicate in a way that makes sense to tech support people.

Me: "Hey, I can't get the live site to show changes immediately, are you guys posting from a stage to the live site?"

IT chick: "Uhh... yeah we're posting everything to stage.{redacted}.com/{redacted}.com/"

Me: "Okay, I'm doing that and it's showing an error. I assume it's because there's no .htaccess file in the redirect, so I tried index.php at the end, no dice."

IT chick: "Oh.. did you try a trailing slash?"

Me: "You mean ... like stage.{redacted}.com/{redacted}.com/?"

IT chick: "Yeah, the one I already gave you."

Me: "Yeah, I did, and it didn't work. That's why I tried to add the path to the index file."

IT chick: "Yeah, then you need to try to put it to index. whatever your file extension is."

Me: "... you mean like .php?"

IT chick: "yeah"

Me: "are you actually reading my previous messages?"

IT chick: "oh... okay yeah. Well try index.html."

Me: "... this is a completely dynamic site, we're not using any .html files."

IT chick : "oh. Okay well I dunno try again in about fifteen minutes."

I've been calling every fifteen minutes for the last four hours, and she's not answering. I might actually track this chick down and strangle her with a phone cord.

[BlueCross]

Don't do that!  She might be hawt!

[Solwyn]

Don't do that!  She might be hawt!

She might be. But that's immaterial. Tech Support is outside of her skillset.

I won't strangle her with a phone cord anyway, that's insane.

... unless she asked me to.

But that's between me and random lady who is likely to become increasingly creeped out by me over the course of the next few phone calls.

[Bubonic]

She might be. But that's immaterial.

Wash your mouth out!

[The SysMan]

With Exuberance, Bub?

Yes, its simple:
If (Techie == hawt)
     suggestNewJob();
     suggestDinner();
else
     cull();

>.> I barely remember my java from 6 years ago. lemmelone! <.<

[Bubonic]

 

If Techie = hawt Then
    If fnSuggestDinner() Then
        Call subSuggestNewJob()
    Else
        Call subCull()
    End If
Else
    Call subCull()
End If

Sorry.... VB is the only language that I can write in with any fluency without documentation.  Plus, you neglected to get rid of her if she doesn't agree to dinner. 

[BlueCross]

if (Techie==hawt) {
   If (PassAgeVerification()) {
       Schmooze();
       ret=AnalyzeReaction();
       if (ret > 0)  {
           $DisposableIncome = AnalyzeFinances()
           if ($DisposableIncome > DinnerThreshhold) {
               InviteToDinner();
           else
               WorkOnActualTechieProblem();
            }
        }
        else
             WorkOnActualTechieProblem();   
    }
    else 
        AskAboutHerMother();
}
else
    WorkOnActualTechieProblem();

[Solwyn]

if (Techie==hawt) {
   If (PassAgeVerification()) {
       Schmooze();
       ret=AnalyzeReaction();
       if (ret > 0)  {
           $DisposableIncome = AnalyzeFinances()
           if ($DisposableIncome > DinnerThreshhold) {
               InviteToDinner();
           else
               WorkOnActualTechieProblem();
            }
        }
        else
             WorkOnActualTechieProblem();   
    }
    else 
        AskAboutHerMother();
}
else
    WorkOnActualTechieProblem();

You forgot to put the age verification function in.

Code: [Select]

function passAgeVerification() {
      if ( knowsWhoVincentPriceWas("techie") ) {
      return true;
      } else {
      return false;
      }
};


[BlueCross]

You forgot to put the age verification function in...

I'm thinking I use different parameters for that function than you do...

[Solwyn]

Code: [Select]

if ( tallEnoughToEscapeTheVestibuleThroughAWindow("techie") ) {
print "what's the point? she's going to get away.";
} else {
print "the police have been called.";
}

bcCantWin("in this instance");


[BlueCross]

I'd shoot you if I wasn't laughing so hard.

[Bubonic]

    else 
        AskAboutHerMother();

  !!!