Love Stinks Part II: The New Beginning

[Brugdor]

In what manner? Confused.

Hmm...Doomsie's sarcasm detector seems to be acting up.

*removes it*

*applies percussive maintenance*

*puts it back*

[Loveshack]

They hate the milksop, timid guy who needs a clear "YES IT IS SAFE - I DO WANT YOU" sign (and you know what, even if she said that, you'd probably say "are you sure??")

Very true. Confidence (not swagger) goes a long way.

1.  Rejection of my advances would damage the existing friendship, not just leave me at square one.
2.  I want to be a gentleman.  WAAAY too much bad stuff has happened because of guys who wanted to be, ahem, "forceful".  I'm not that type of person.
3.  I'm a puss.

[Loveshack]

They hate the milksop, timid guy who needs a clear "YES IT IS SAFE - I DO WANT YOU" sign (and you know what, even if she said that, you'd probably say "are you sure??")

Yeah, you're right.  You took the words right out of my mouth. 

[Shard]

I say this coming from a dude who also used to be overweight, insecure and way too concerned with chicks...

snipped for brevity, but this is a great post (and not just cause he says listen to Night Owl)

I love hearing stories of people who took control and just *did* something to make their life better. I'm a huge believer in confidence, personal responsibility, your life is yours to control, etc etc etc - all that self improvement shit is real.

Awesome story, Shard. Really.

There you have it, folks, I am awesome. And there is always room for improvement. My next big self improvement dealy is going to have to be finding, you know, a career. Or, at the very least, a job that pays more than 20 grand a year. For the first time in years, my confidence has been wavering lately (in general, but also in regards to women for what should be obvious reasons) as I can barely support myself financially and don't have a real job to speak of, but also have difficulty finding places that pay more than 12 an hour without a degree. I do *not* want to become that awesome guy that chicks won't take a chance with because he's not financially secure, and I never worried about it in the past but it sort of hit me that I'm 25 and, even if I'm wrong to worry *now*, it'll become a legitimate concern within a few years. Nobody respects a guy in their *late* twenties who is still a bum.

Not complaining, though. Just means it's time to do something, like Owl and myself said.

[Night Owl]

They hate the milksop, timid guy who needs a clear "YES IT IS SAFE - I DO WANT YOU" sign (and you know what, even if she said that, you'd probably say "are you sure??")

Very true. Confidence (not swagger) goes a long way.

1.  Rejection of my advances would damage the existing friendship, not just leave me at square one.

small price to pay

2.  I want to be a gentleman.  WAAAY too much bad stuff has happened because of guys who wanted to be, ahem, "forceful".  I'm not that type of person.

Oh, come on. That's just an excuse. I consider myself a gentleman. But I also act on a flirt. I'm not saying dive in and grab her tits. I am saying if you feel it's a flirt, it's ok to put your arm around her first chance you get. But I'll bet you wouldn't DARE do that.

3.  I'm a puss.

That's the problem, LS. The only thing that will help this is confidence, which you have about none. Do what Shard said.

[Petrarch]

I'll mark down another one for the have to do something time. Been thinking today that it's only another 15 months, which might sound like a lot but really isn't, and I'll be hitting 30. Makes me wonder what happened to the last decade.

While I've got the job thing sorted, I never did seem to have much luck in the romance stakes. It's time to suck in the gut and dig deep into the confidence to see who's out there.

[Jeff]

The trick for turning 30 and not noticing is to continue to be really, really immature. Like me.

The downside to this plan is that you'll be really quite immature. Like me.

[Swash]

You could always go for the midlife crisis, too.  That way you get to turn 30 as a responsible adult and THEN be really quite immature afterwards.  And you get to hit on twenty year old girls.

[Loveshack]

I know a guy who has been besotted with me for almost 2 years, and it drives me batshit insane that even though he was (and i suppose, is) a great guy with whom i had a great friendship, i can't so much as compliment his new haircut without his face lighting up, heralding the imminent arrival of yet another 'I need to tell you how I feel, just give me a chance, I swear we were meant to be together' conversation. He pretty much forces me to treat him badly, because if i show any affection (hugging him when he got promoted) he takes it as a sign that i am desperate to bear his children. I dont really believe in mixed signals - only people who want to see something that isnt there. 

Not reopen the issue here, because I consider this session of Love Stinks to be wrapped, but isn't it better to have people besotted with you?  Doesn't it make you feel good?  (I mean, I get it if they're like hiding in the bushes types, but you know what I mean.)  Wouldn't you rather have someone interested in you than no one?

[Thanatos]

Meh.  It's flattering when the bitches are all up ons but it's also kind of a pain in the ass, particularly if you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.  I was in Richmond over New Year's and I was trying to hook up with one of my exes for some rebound whoopie, only I drank too much on new years eve and I guess I ended up making out with one of her friends?  I don't remember! 

The last thing I remember is making out with my ex and then I woke up in some other girl's apartment.  Good times!  Fortunately I'm pretty sure my extreme intoxication kept me from fooling around with her too much.

Anyway, normally this wouldn't be a big deal, no harm no foul, but now the girl who took me home has a massive chick boner for me and won't leave me alone.  What the crap is up with girls and texting?  I try to be nice but I can only answer like three text messages before I start ignoring them.  It's doubly annoying since I'm still hoping to make some time with my ex and the new girl with the massive crush on me was ALWAYS AROUND for the rest of the time I was in town.

Fortunately I was talking to my ex yesterday and she said next time I was down in the capital of the confederacy I could just stay with her, so.  Good times.

To summarize, sure it's flattering when a chick has a boner for you, but it's also kind of annoying when you have to constantly rebuff them without hurting their feelings, and it's a massive pain in the ass when it gets in the way of you pursuing other ladies.

[Night Owl]

Not reopen the issue here, because I consider this session of Love Stinks to be wrapped, but isn't it better to have people besotted with you?  Doesn't it make you feel good?  (I mean, I get it if they're like hiding in the bushes types, but you know what I mean.)  Wouldn't you rather have someone interested in you than no one?

To be honest, no, I'd rather not have someone "interested" in me beyond a simple, passing flirt. Complicates life way too much.

Being "interested" in someone over time is silly. Either act on the interest, or lose interest.   

[Thanatos]

To be honest, no, I'd rather not have someone "interested" in me beyond a simple, passing flirt. Complicates life way too much.

Being "interested" in someone over time is silly. Either act on the interest, or lose interest.   

Unless they're a waitress or bartender!  Flirting with bartenders probably saved me a grand or two in college. 

[Swash]

Yes indeed.  ALWAYS flirt with the help.  Not just waiting staff.  Receptionists.  And personal assistants.  The ones who do the REAL work.  Especially if you've got a job interview.  They're the ones who might just happen to jog the interviewers memory.  Seriously.

[karategoldfish]

You need a female opinion sir!

Now that I am wise and married, I've learned that men and women aren't really very good at being friends. I mean I love my husband. But he is completely different than I am, and sometimes his crazy way of looking at the world drives me totally insane. For example: how can he sit on the couch and play video games after work when there is so much to DO from 5-10pm on a weeknight? Go out to dinner, do laundry, paint the kitchen, learn to play the guitar, SOMETHING etc. CRAZY MALES. And how can he stand being alone in the tv room for four hours in a row?! Doesn't he get lonely and bored without someone to talk to? Argh.

Anyway, I guess I am saying that men and women are very very different, and while they compliment each other in a relationship, THE FRIEND ZONE isn't really that great of a place to be. There are only really two ways that the road can end: romantical and non-existent. Make a move!! Crushes are worthless. 

[Brugdor]

For example: how can he sit on the couch and play video games after work when there is so much to DO from 5-10pm on a weeknight? Go out to dinner, do laundry, paint the kitchen, learn to play the guitar, SOMETHING etc. CRAZY MALES. And how can he stand being alone in the tv room for four hours in a row?

Why woman always want brain on? Need break.

Doesn't he get lonely and bored without someone to talk to? Argh.

The cure for male loneliness and boredom is sex. Talking is the price we have to pay for the cure.   

I keed, I keed....maybe