Unwashed Village
General Discussion => Unwashed Village => Topic started by: Loveshack on June 08, 2010, 02:16:36 AM
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Okay, so I'm working for the Census Bureau right now, and I didn't know any of the people I work with before six weeks ago. I don't dislike any of them or anything, but I don't consider any of them my friends either. I'm pretty indifferent. One of them asked me to help him move a vanity from his house to another house which will take about two hours. He offered no compensation. Here lies the problem. I HATE moving. If I'm available and a friend or family member asks, then I do it anyway because there's a certain social obligation to help friends and family in exchange for the fellowship you enjoy with them and also because I care about them and their well being. Usually some form of compensation is offered in these cases, but not always, and I don't ask about it in those cases for the reasons mentioned above.
In this guy's case, I am able to help him, but I am not necessarily willing, and I certainly don't feel I have any social obligation to help him because he is neither friend nor family, is basically a stranger, and is asking for a significant amount of time and labor from me for which he has offered no compensation. However, it's a bit of a lose/lose situation because if I help him, I am resentful he asked me, and if I don't help him, I feel guilty because I was able to help but didn't and I either have to tell him a lie, or I have to tell him the truth which would doubtless cause problems in the workplace.
Am I being an asshole here and failing to conform to the social contract, or is he the asshole for doing this? Or is it a little from column A to column B?
I'm just going to start carrying a copy of Atlas Shrugged around in plain sight so people quit involving me in these situations altogether.
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There's nothing wrong with asking him for some form of payment. You are saving him money by allowing him to not higher movers.
Although, he should have offered pizza and beer by default. That's what I do.
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I agree. I'm just a little weirded out he asked me to help at all. There's really not enough familiarity or history there to make it appropriate. It's weird for the same reason it would be weird for me to ask anyone there to lend me 10 bucks.
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Tel him you want some cash and he will probably give you a bit. Don't work for free...
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I'm sure there's an alcohol scale for helping move. I helped a friend of my ex move a piano and received a bottle of scotch.
Incidentally, the request to help move COULD be a token of "intent of friendship" in that "friends help eachother move, I've asked him to help me move so we must be friends" sort of way. Could just as easily be a "I need to move stuff, who do I know that can help since I have no friends" thing too.
I really shouldn't throw more possibilities at you, huh?
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Could just as easily be a "I need to move stuff, who do I know that can help since I have no friends" thing too.
I think you might be right about that one. Incidentally, the correct answer to that question is, "Guys in Front of the Home Depot" not, "Guy I Barely Know Who Works the Same Temp Job as I Do".
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Loveshack wins!
But seriously, my acquaintances (aka not "friends") would have to pay me as well- be it beer + pizza, a nice homecooked dinner with a bottle of scotch/wine whatever or simply "I'll give you a case of beer/bottle of scotch/whatever if you help em carry this shit-heavy crap". I'd expect the same with them. If someone I only barely knew expected me to set off hours of my free time to do their heavy lifting for nothing in return- yeah, sorry, I'm not an altruist.
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You should get something for this.
I always preface my requests. "I'll give you X for your trouble".
I usually just give a gift certificate to a decent restaurant.
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Personally, I probably wouldn't ask for anything in return, but I do think he should offer something for your help. Maybe he will do so afterwards?
I think it is strange to ask coworkers for help like this unless you've really hit it off.
*shrug* tough call
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Personally, I probably wouldn't ask for anything in return, but I do think he should offer something for your help. Maybe he will do so afterwards?
I think it is strange to ask coworkers for help like this unless you've really hit it off.
*shrug* tough call
Exactly, the situation is unusual enough that it's difficult to determine the what the truly appropriate response would be. I sided on the noble end of the spectrum and helped him without asking about compensation since he offered none to begin with. Might not have been the most advantageous route for me to take, but whatever.
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Personally, I probably wouldn't ask for anything in return, but I do think he should offer something for your help. Maybe he will do so afterwards?
I think it is strange to ask coworkers for help like this unless you've really hit it off.
*shrug* tough call
Exactly, the situation is unusual enough that it's difficult to determine the what the truly appropriate response would be. I sided on the noble end of the spectrum and helped him without asking about compensation since he offered none to begin with. Might not have been the most advantageous route for me to take, but whatever.
Well maybe it wasn't, but I think you took the high road here. Now he owes you a favour in case you need someone wacked later. Trust me, I saw The Godfather like 10 times, it's how it works.
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And if he refuses you a favor you can put the head of his prized horse in his bed while he's sleeping.
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And if he refuses you a favor you can put the head of his prized horse in his bed while he's sleeping.
Of course, of course.