ghost image

[KMD]

On Wednesday, my dad will turn 60

A little over a year ago, between Christmas and New years of 2013, he had a near fatal heart attack (its one of the most common weeks for this kind of thing)
He was alone, about the go to sleep, when he had chest pains and thankfully called 911 in time.
His heart stopped 4 times in the ambulance.

It was one of the most god defining moments in my life; I don't believe that god is omnipotent, but there have been a few times in my life when I couldn't help but have faith and believe it was god's intention. And thankfully he has made a complete turnaround and i'm so proud.

But this isn't about him or god, but about the feeling of it not being real.
Or to say something "doesn't feel right".
Sometimes I'll look at him and imagine a figment, like if he had died that night.
Its like when Troi senses a psychic disturbance in the space time continuum, someone is alive who should have died in their timeline, and she says
"Something... isn't right here"

Anyway its a weird feeling, to see someone who was so close to death, and in fact almost makes jokes about having died (Which I find unfunny and incorrect; To me death is permenant). Its like one day I'll wake up only to realize it was just a delusion, looking back and seeing the memories of the past year nothing more than a hologram of my head.
 

[BlueCross]

Nice post, thanks for sharing.

But I'll add my bit about 'death jokes.'  When I was having radiation treatment for my cancer, you wouldn't believe the black (and extremely funny) humor in the waiting area while we were biding our time before it was our turn to get zapped.   I wish I had taken notes during those times. 

From the 'outside', I guess it can seem a bit macabre but once you go through it, you really understand that it is a necessary release.  Granted, it can be uncomfortable to close friends and relatives but then, I think there is a certain comfort to those people knowing that the person with disease is dealing with the issue quite well.

[Hoopy Frood]

Its like when Troi senses a psychic disturbance in the space time continuum, someone is alive who should have died in their timeline, and she says
"Something... isn't right here"

That was Guinan (who was an El-Aurian) that sensed that. Troi was just a super empath (since she was was part human she didn't get the full telepathic abilities that Betazoids like her mother typically get.)

[TK]

That belies knowledge of the exact scene. The geek in me must watch every next gen episode to track it down... Just hope it's not in the first two seasons *shudder*

My brother had cancer a few years ago and there's something brittle in the way I think of him now. Before the cancer he was a Herculean figure in my life but the reality if his mortality shook my view of the world and how I saw him. For a long time the subliminal knowledge that be almost died and still could relapse defined our relationship in subtle ways. I think I'm in the ballpark of knowing what you mean, macabre jokes were often a slightly troubling feature of visiting him around that time.