Author Topic: What Is The Deal With Strangers Making Small Talk?  (Read 13737 times)

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Loveshack

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What Is The Deal With Strangers Making Small Talk?
« on: September 30, 2009, 06:45:32 AM »
I recently had to start riding the bus again when I took a job in Seattle. I could drive, but it's a 40 mile commute back and forth from my house and I'd have to pay $35 a day to park, so naturally I passed. There's a phenomenon that I remember from my pre-driver's license days about strangers always wanting to make small talk on the bus and it turns out nothing has changed in the 10 years or so since then. And it seems that working in Seattle means that this phenomenon extends further than the confines of a Pierce Transit bus.

Why do total strangers try to strike up conversation with me? I don't like it. If I don't have a reason for talking to you, and I don't know you, then I don't feel inclined to chat just for the hell of it. I like my quiet time and if I could have some little isolated cube to sit in on the bus, I'd welcome it.
I'm not mean to people who try to chat with me, but I don't reciprocate heavily, and I certainly don't go out of my way to look like someone who's up for that sort of thing. I don't make eye contact, and put in my earphones, etc. But it doesn't seem to work. I can understand if I'm dealing with someone who is mentally unwell, in which case they have an excuse for not "getting it", but I'm drawing lots of "normal" people as well. 

Is their some part of the social contract that I'm not adhering to; or is it the other way around? Part of me hates this because I have this hardwired distrust of anyone who approaches me for anything in downtown Seattle, mainly because I HATE downtown Seattle for reasons that could fill a whole new discussion topic, but let's just leave it at this: Whenever a stranger starts talking to me, they are UP TO SOMETHING until proven otherwise, and usually they aren't proven otherwise. So my inclination when someone starts blathering is to say "Let's just fast-forward to the part where you ask me for change and I say no and get on with our lives.", but I'm not that evil. It's all internal.

So tell me, is their something wrong with me or with everyone else?
So much of social interaction with the general public with no goal in mind (read: strangers) is just a huge chore to me that I'd much rather avoid, but that I do anyway because I'd feel bad if I was rude to them.

I mean, I don't think I'm a sociopath. If I saw someone fall down or something, I would make sure they were okay, and I'd expect the same for me, but good grief people, if you're lonely, that's not MY problem. Get a puppy. Nothing wrong with making friends, heck all of you were strangers to me at one point, but I get the feeling these people don't have as discriminating tastes in friends as I have.  ::)
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AcdQueen89

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Re: What Is The Deal With Strangers Making Small Talk?
« Reply #1 on: September 30, 2009, 07:05:46 AM »
you have come to the same phenomenon that i have in deciding to go to a school in a small town.

people just want to be friendly. i think it's a small town mentality that has some how impressed itself upon the bus. spout stuff about jesus sucking and see how they react.
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Doombot

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Re: What Is The Deal With Strangers Making Small Talk?
« Reply #2 on: September 30, 2009, 07:39:51 PM »
I'm the same way. When I've taken the bus... it's my quiet time. I like listening to my audiobook/music or reading as I mentally prepare for the day. I even had a do not talk to my pose all ready. Headphones in my ear and I face the window of the bus looking out.

Still... people would talk to me as I had headphones in my ear and faced away from people. I tried taking them out and putting them back in between responses. Some people got it, while others would keep talking.

I'm just not a bus talker.
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Swash

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Re: What Is The Deal With Strangers Making Small Talk?
« Reply #3 on: October 01, 2009, 06:55:24 AM »
Guessing it's an American thing...that has never happened to me, even without earphones.

AcdQueen89

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Re: What Is The Deal With Strangers Making Small Talk?
« Reply #4 on: October 01, 2009, 07:21:04 AM »
just found this

maybe they just think you're cute
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Loveshack

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Re: What Is The Deal With Strangers Making Small Talk?
« Reply #5 on: October 01, 2009, 09:37:21 AM »
just found this

maybe they just think you're cute

Sadly, the people in question are never cute girls. They are almost universally creepy men.
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Morb

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Re: What Is The Deal With Strangers Making Small Talk?
« Reply #6 on: October 01, 2009, 11:26:50 AM »
Guessing it's an American thing...that has never happened to me, even without earphones.

Same here. I don't really use busses these days, but during my lifetime only a few drunkards have ever come to strike up a conversion. Then again, train's a different matter, and during a long train ride I often find myself chatting away with my single-serving friends. But there's a reason for that: the restaurant car. :)
« Last Edit: October 01, 2009, 11:31:18 AM by Morb »

MrWeasel

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Re: What Is The Deal With Strangers Making Small Talk?
« Reply #7 on: October 01, 2009, 11:21:57 PM »
easy solutions for you....

Stop bathing
get on bus in bloody apron carrying large knife
pick nose and wipe boogers on 1st person to talk to you
 
i'm sure other villagers can add to that list :D (saying jesus sucks is a good example :D)

hope this helps :D
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Thrakazog

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Re: What Is The Deal With Strangers Making Small Talk?
« Reply #8 on: October 03, 2009, 07:34:30 PM »
Frown. Really. My neutral, relaxed face looks like I'm really pissed, most people don't even make eye contact with me.

Has drawbacks though. People that know me are always telling me to smile.

Btw, greetings to a fellow washintonian. I live in Spokane.
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Thanatos

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Re: What Is The Deal With Strangers Making Small Talk?
« Reply #9 on: October 05, 2009, 07:29:27 AM »
Hahahah, for serious, you guys need to get over yourselves.

I was taking the metro home last weekend (and I was HAMMERED), and there was some girl by herself who didn't look like she was having a good time, so I chatted her ass up and delighted her.

She got off two stops before me, but before she went she forced her number onto me, so I'm pretty sure I'm not misinterpreting events.

What's up with strangers making small talk?  It's awesome!  As long as they're awesome anyway.  If they're not awesome, reach down deep into your pants, find your balls, and make it clear you don't want to talk to them.  It's not that hard.  I usually live in big cities, I'm nice to nice bums and not nice to not nice bums, it's not hard to make a motherfucker leave you alone.

off the top of my head, people who have made small talk with me that lasted more than two or three sentences, in order of frequency: old ladies who gave me candy (on a plane!), homeless people who go away when I tell them to, homeless people who wanted money, jovial dudes who I was more than happy to be jovial with, and finally, girls.  Man, it's awesome when it's girls, but even when it's not, everything else on that list I'm more than capable of dealing with.  What's the problem?
« Last Edit: October 05, 2009, 07:32:34 AM by Thanatos »
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Thanatos

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Re: What Is The Deal With Strangers Making Small Talk?
« Reply #10 on: October 05, 2009, 12:05:23 PM »
just found this

maybe they just think you're cute

Sadly, the people in question are never cute girls. They are almost universally creepy men.

You're doing it wrong.
I fall and I leap and
I'm freaking out
Nowhere near my place and I
Know that they've seen me now

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Re: What Is The Deal With Strangers Making Small Talk?
« Reply #11 on: October 05, 2009, 12:59:06 PM »
I kinda tend to agree with Thanatos here :)

I take communal traffic a lot, living in Denmark with all its trains and busses and whatnot. If people talk to me, I'll talk back or tell them I'm busy if I'm in a bad mood. Then again, I usually smile but scowl slightly when I don't wanna be bothered,. Scowling, bald men with chin beards tend to keep people away. Just make sure to turn that frown upside down when you look at the cute redhead in the seat opposite of you :3


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Thanatos

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Re: What Is The Deal With Strangers Making Small Talk?
« Reply #12 on: October 05, 2009, 03:26:42 PM »
I mean, that's the whole thing, if you don't want them to bother you, tell 'em to fuck off!  Nobody ever bugs me after I tell 'em I'm not into it.  Either I'm scary or I'm super charming; I'm gonna go with the latter.
I fall and I leap and
I'm freaking out
Nowhere near my place and I
Know that they've seen me now

Loveshack

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Re: What Is The Deal With Strangers Making Small Talk?
« Reply #13 on: October 06, 2009, 04:37:14 PM »
Than,
I'd like to avoid having to say, "Leave me alone." if I don't have to, because then I'm just being an asshole. I think the scowling route might work for all but the most oblivious people.
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Swash

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Re: What Is The Deal With Strangers Making Small Talk?
« Reply #14 on: October 07, 2009, 12:24:18 AM »
Than,
I'd like to avoid having to say, "Leave me alone." if I don't have to, because then I'm just being an asshole. I think the scowling route might work for all but the most oblivious people.

Better to look like a grumpy bastard than to sound like one?