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« on: March 27, 2008, 08:34:40 AM »
Reality is fucked, how long have i seen the world with rose colored glasses? Im fucking lost, ive always known that, but at least im not alone cuz it seems the whole world is lost too. theres no point in trying to figure it out, when we do it just changes pretty quick so we get to wander through the fog until we find something vaguely familier
this sucks, incoherent shit like this at 3 AM, i need something better to do
or i need to remember how to sleep
theres no real point to any of it, i think thats what makes us free, not knowing or, more importantly, not caring. Life has changed and all i can do is live the moment free from jusdgement (and as it seems, quite often with chemical aid) The only thing i have left to really care about is my family, or those i consider family, id give my life for any one of them.
Right now i realize how little i truly know, and how small my piece of the world is. All that ive really cared about is a fraction of what i remember it as, all that ive ever learned might as wel be scrapped and everything i have could be gone tomorrow and id still be calmly apathetic. Thats what few realize, how little we truly need to live. They become so possessed by the things they attach themselves to and they lose any point they had. I need to get out of here, the monotony of whats around me is destroying whatever is left of my mind.
Its ironic, that so much clarity will seem like such absolute bullshit as early as the next sunrise. Its happened before and it will probly happen again. so many revaltions lost, i wonder what it would be like, to survive in that constant bliss of apiphany. Ha, sometimes i even wonder about the self inflated value of human life. Why do we keep going? Hell, i think if i didnt care so much about those around me i wouldnt care so much if i died.
Dont get me wrong, i like living, but the other side of the coin seems fairly interesting too. Whatever, i need something to occupy my time and my mind. Want to join me?
HaHa, ive lost my damn mind (and couldnt be happier)
Some of this crap ive figured out before, but now ive decided to share with the world. sharing.... reminds me of kindergarden