Unwashed Village
General Discussion => Unwashed Village => Topic started by: KMD on February 10, 2012, 04:14:45 AM
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*The Official unwashed Drunk or High Thread*
You bastards didn't treat me to a drink at the bastard bar on my birthday.
:peeks around:
I see you there.
Yes you.
Who else would I be referring to you stump?
:points finger:
...
:curls finger to me:
Now listen here.
I bought a used book from the library. About making cocktails.
Half the book was about something called the "Tom Collins"
...
I'm sure most Americans have heard of it. I have. (gin cocktail)
..
Now I don't know who this "Tom Collins" is but if he a drink named after himself he must be a pretty badass guy.
OR
it must be a badass drink.
So I go to a little local bar with a friend. And I order a "Tom Collins." Assuming shes heard of it before.
She has no idea. None at all. Never heard of it. Of course she knew how to [mix] drink[ed:s]! All Kinds.
And if she didn't she would try to make it.
[Ed: See what I did there with the sentence] So of course she did what was only logical. She made one.
--Tom Collins recipe--
via.drinkmixer.com
Scale ingredients to servings
2 oz gin
1 oz lemon juice
1 tsp superfine sugar
3 oz club soda
1 maraschino cher
Mix, preferably when listening to the tenth track from the Girl Talk Album "Feed the Animals".
Shaked not Stirred.
[Ed: I realized my mistake. Its just one letter cmon]
She poured them into a large highball glass. It was rather incredibly sweet, almost disgusting.
She even seriously doubted her skills.
"I don't know about this. This doesn't sound good"
"I won't charge you if decide you don't like it"
...
Of course I will finish my first cocktail ordered being 21. 2 Days after my birthday.
There you go Village. OC for you.
Youre welcome.
(Pic included: its the book in question)
Next up, the "Dirty Girl Scout".
Pretty comprehensible eh? /\ /\ /\ /\
-Cheers!
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Pretty comprehensible eh? /\ /\ /\ /\
-Cheers!
Yes, you must try harder, the point behind a drunk post is to be incomprehensible, rude or just plain offensive. They should also make you hold your head in your hands with shame when you think of them and bring you out in a cold sweat when you read it back. This was a failure by those metrics but your slightly rambling delivery shows promise.
I'd show you how to do it but I've forsworn being blind drunk, that and I don't have the time to get into the required state.
Just remember that the path to drunk post glory is paved with shame and self loathing. :)
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I thought the point of the drunk post was to say something/do something embarassing that you would ordinarily say/do if you were sober. Not necessarily insulting or rude but just personally embarassing (though of course sometimes calling everyone names can be embarassing when the best name you can come up with while drunk is "fatty fat fat" or "doo doo head")
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Since you Bastards are too lazy to look it up for yourselves...
The Great Tom Collins Hoax of 1874 (http://www.ahistoryofdrinking.com/wordpress/2011/04/01/celebrate-april-fools-day-with-the-great-tom-collins-hoax-of-1874/)
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Don't worry guys. Tonight I will post another that will hopefully meet, or even exceed your expectations. :nods:
;D
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I find it a bit surprising that a bartender hasn't even heard of a Tom Collins.
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I wont be tryong this anytime soon, but I might possibly "drink while it's lively" and have a drunken sexist rant. I hope ipad tying wont keep me away
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I'd settle for a non-drunk sexist rant.
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I ended up getting a full appology. Dont know if the drinking will happen
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Yes, you must try harder, the point behind a drunk post is to be incomprehensible, rude or just plain offensive.
For all the times yoau for that, but I told him. Whatwud you no, you have vagina!
And then so... so... I thinak. I thank I need a nother drink.
Cut me off? I cut u uoff. On yor head.
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I wont be tryong this anytime soon, but I might possibly "drink while it's lively" and have a drunken sexist rant. I hope ipad tying wont keep me away
Alright lets get sexy
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so yeah
You guys are prertty lame. lets get some shit started. quit lurking.
you all are roody poos.
rahh feck yoy vullage, you have si mch pontential but meh
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Come on try harder, I'm vaguely confused but not mortified for you or insulted.
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I'd settle for a non-drunk sexist rant.
*Wakes up groaning and knocking a big pile of beer cans off his person*
Yuo... SODS... women and there feminine... er... stuff if I hd a uero for ever... wait... wha? Wah were we talking about?
Oh ye! Teh Cyclism... Cyclo... Cyclists.... nug humping dirt farmers evry onee of them... grr... OH A PENNY!
*Gets down to pick it up but collapses*
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I'd settle for a non-drunk sexist rant.
*Wakes up groaning and knocking a big pile of beer cans off his person*
Yuo... SODS... women and there feminine... er... stuff if I hd a uero for ever... wait... wha? Wah were we talking about?
Oh ye! Teh Cyclism... Cyclo... Cyclists.... nug humping dirt farmers evry onee of them... grr... OH A PENNY!
*Gets down to pick it up but collapses*
According to wikipedia regarding UK Drinking Laws...
"Between the ages of 5 and 17, it is legally permissible for children to drink alcohol at home or at a friend's house with the permission of a parent or legal guardian.[75]
The minimum age for the purchase of alcohol is 18. People aged 16 or 17 may consume wine, beer or cider on licensed premises when ordered with a meal."
*My face when I see a bunch of drunk children in the UK*
P.S. The Legal Drinking age in the U.S. is 21 years
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Everyone is drunk in the UK kids, women, men, old people even hamsters!
I didn't even know a law on drinking existed in the UK...
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P.S. The Legal Drinking age in the U.S. is 21 years
It's actually state-by-state, but all states happen to adhere to the same standard.
In Texas, you can actually drink in public as a minor as long as you are with your parents and they give consent.
http://drinkingage.procon.org/view.resource.php?resourceID=002591
PS: The Texas Alcoholic Beverage Commission sent a speaker to my health class in the 9th grade and told us this. I then told my parents, and they still to this day do not believe me.
PPS: I'm a huge nerd and drank the first time on my 21st birthday.
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The way I understand it, in the U.S. there are no federal restrictions on the age of consumption or possession.
And there is no law strictly restricting the age of purchase. However, any state that does not restrict the age of purchase to 21 will lose some federal funding. (It used to be they lost all federal road funds, but I don't know if that's still true. They may lose other funds as well.)
So it's up to the states to set consumption/possession regulations, and some like Illinois restrict it to 21 across the board. Others like Wisconsin allow consumption if the underage person is with a spouse or parent/guardian of legal purchase age.
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The way I understand it, in the U.S. there are no federal restrictions on the age of consumption or possession.
And there is no law strictly restricting the age of purchase. However, any state that does not restrict the age of purchase to 21 will lose some federal funding. (It used to be they lost all federal road funds, but I don't know if that's still true. They may lose other funds as well.)
So it's up to the states to set consumption/possession regulations, and some like Illinois restrict it to 21 across the board. Others like Wisconsin allow consumption if the underage person is with a spouse or parent/guardian of legal purchase age.
That reminds me. I don't think I've seen your shameful self post in this thread drunk yet. Get on it!
:D
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That reminds me. I don't think I've seen your shameful self post in this thread drunk yet. Get on it!
:D
I have posted drunk many a time on this board.
The problem is, I'm a very coherent drunk typist.
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And more fool them!
That said, I do agree with the chaps above who have said that a true drunk post must cause you to double-take the next day.
I challenge anyone here to beat my worst one (and we all know what that is).
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We must rectify that situation and have a party at the Bastard Bar. BC, you know I'm good for a drunk and non drunk sexist rant. :laugh:
Hope you had a good birthday TK. Sorry I missed it. I've been away from the village for a bit.
I'm baaaaack! ;D
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Welcome back Tink. I had a pretty non-eventful birthday at home with the wife and kids, not working for a change, thanks for asking. *whispers* I think you meant KMD :)
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I've tried a few times to perform another drunk post, but I keep failing to get drunk.
You'd think half a $50 bottle of scotch would do it. I think the problem is that I spend hours drinking it, but really, a scotch like that, it'd be a crime to rush it.
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I once tried drinking while texting but it was on a phone with predictive text... it looked something like
"Soothing Shiv face! You own me money! Paid up or elze"
So that was a bad idea...
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Oh c'mon guys, Roshambo and Thanatos could do waaaaaaaaaaay better than that at drunken posts. Hell, I could for that matter. lol!
Where the hell is the UV spirit?? Everbody to the bastard bar! Hey, ya never know who might be hangin from the chandelier again. Who knows....maybe H@adbyte will pop in with a new chair and shock everyone!
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I dont drink very often really, but I'll add to the discourse.... Here in NC you can buy beer and wine from most grocery stores, gas stations, and random lemonade stands that happened to be licesenced for such things, but in order to get anything harder then a fairly potent Ale or beer, one has to go to the "ABC" store, or Alcoholic Beverage Control store.... because tahts what our state decided to do after prohibition ended, and its stayed that way since... now its turned into cute little county controlled booze fiefdoms run by morons who try and "make money for the county/town/city/township/ETC" while also wasting tax money SELLING BOOZE TO THE POPULOUS THEY TAX. Its quite possibly the dumbest thing about the whole deal.
It IS however HILARIOUS when people from out of state wonder why the gas station wont sell them aristocrate and the like, and then have to go to a state/local goverment run booze store.
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So what's your cheap ass drink of choice UV?
I like to have a couple of mates over and buy an 18 pack of miller high life for 9 bucks.
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As odd as it sounds, my "cheap ass" ideal of something to drink is more along "what can I afford that I enjoy the flavor of while it is still alcoholic"
I prefer a nice Dark ale or Hard cider myself. Guiness is where its at aswell. Ive also devopled a taste for Sake in recent years, nothing like having 5-7 people all sitting around a 2.5 liter bottle of sake drinking it out of those little tiny sake cups :laugh:
Never had miller high life though. Had a coors light once, to much like alco-water *BLah*
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When I was a student the corner shop used to sell carlsberg export bottles for about 65p with a 20p redemption on the bottles. £20 each got my flatmate and I very very drunk. It was weak beer but after a few trips with the redemption we were more than merry.
I love Guiness but it's a killer if you get a badly poured one, I've had nights where I've not been particularly drunk but I've been really sick because of bad Guiness.
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Welcome back Tink. I had a pretty non-eventful birthday at home with the wife and kids, not working for a change, thanks for asking. *whispers* I think you meant KMD :)
Um...that's what I meant...KMD. I'm such a dunderhead sometimes. :embarassed:
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So what's your cheap ass drink of choice UV?
My cheap drinks usually aren't that cheap. I guess the most bang for the buck I'll drink is Sailor Jerry mixed with something.
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hey guys
hows everyone been?
yeah im kinda drunk oh well
im leaving the village soon, not that anyone will notice
im going to rant since no ones going to see this anywya
never really sure what do in life. sometimes i think my friends are bad influences and and i want to go somerhwehre
where people arent but i get the feeling those kind of people are everywehre. i feel like im smart enough to do something great with my life but im surrounded by people who give up on everything and its depressing. if the best i ahve to look forward to is a job i hate and a wife that i slowly mentally abuse as our relationship grows sour, whats the point.
am i an asshole for saying i dont want to have kids ever? ive known this since i was litterally 8 fucking years old. its not that i dont like kids, i love kids, but i would hate having to deal with them every day.
i guess more than anything i just like to see things work, because things rarely ever work the way i want them to. im thinking imight have aut9ism or something.i dont know what do, its hard for me to just take repsponsiblity for everything.
srsly fuck you guys. the village went from being cool to being nothing.
good luck, and remember "alcohol is the cause, and solution, to all of life's problems - homer simpson
-kmd
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I can only wish the best of luck, hope you find (or build) the life you're looking for.
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I can only wish the best of luck, hope you find (or build) the life you're looking for.
I call you out for not being drunk!
Edit: This is what i was drinking mostly. Do they even sell this in Europe?
(http://s3-media1.ak.yelpcdn.com/bphoto/wLdHt84qVg2i44KWCnJ_3A/l.jpg)
And no. No wenches were beaten.
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I wouldn't know, because I don't drink.
Though I'm pretty sure they do sell that, you can find anything in super markets these days.
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hey guys
hows everyone been?
yeah im kinda drunk oh well
im leaving the village soon, not that anyone will notice
im going to rant since no ones going to see this anywya
never really sure what do in life. sometimes i think my friends are bad influences and and i want to go somerhwehre
where people arent but i get the feeling those kind of people are everywehre. i feel like im smart enough to do something great with my life but im surrounded by people who give up on everything and its depressing. if the best i ahve to look forward to is a job i hate and a wife that i slowly mentally abuse as our relationship grows sour, whats the point.
am i an asshole for saying i dont want to have kids ever? ive known this since i was litterally 8 fucking years old. its not that i dont like kids, i love kids, but i would hate having to deal with them every day.
i guess more than anything i just like to see things work, because things rarely ever work the way i want them to. im thinking imight have aut9ism or something.i dont know what do, its hard for me to just take repsponsiblity for everything.
srsly fuck you guys. the village went from being cool to being nothing.
good luck, and remember "alcohol is the cause, and solution, to all of life's problems - homer simpson
-kmd
Well, Good luck man.... All I can do is hope things work out as best they can... Just becareful out there. I also wont say goodbye. "Goodbye" indicates ill hear no more from you, and Id rather that not happen :(
Goddamn things have gotten slow :( I check back just about anytime im near my computer and nothing is going on.
Also, Pabst is horrible.
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I hope you find what you're looking for.
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I hope you find what you're looking for.
Oddly enough, another Homer Simpson quote.
Anyway, about the autism thing, hey, join the club. My LD, which is diagnosed as Non-verbal Learning Disability used to be its own distinct thing. Now, there are a lot of psychologists who think it's another spectrum disorder, possibly even Asperger's syndrome diagnosed in a different way.
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From now on, you may only post in this thread if youre drunk
ps heres what I drank tonight
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Hmm... fascinating... a beer made of... Steel?
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Did you drink that by accident?
Can't imagine it tasted very good.
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:o first pabst then steel!?! your gonna have a headache tommorrow :(
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:o first pabst then steel!?! your gonna have a headache tommorrow :(
if PBR sucks and Steel Reserve sucks then i dont want good beer
Now if you had said Miller Highlife sucks, I would be upset. Its the champagne of beers.
(http://1cupawesome.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/Miller-High-Life.jpg)
Also forgot to mention that you can also be high in this thread (should be fitting for The Hanged Man)
which i am slightly.
A friend of mine was a drug addict. and he told me
"No matter how many drugs you take, you will never feel the way you want to"
I thought that was pretty inspiring.
Okay its Josh's turn, pick your poison
PS lets rename this thread "The Bastard Bar" and sticky it Pleaassseee? (if any mods are even out there)
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Also forgot to mention that you can also be high in this thread (should be fitting for The Hanged Man)
Hey! I am a respectable citizen!
Most of the time... Sometimes... Every now and then...
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:o first pabst then steel!?! your gonna have a headache tommorrow :(
if PBR sucks and Steel Reserve sucks then i dont want good beer
Now if you had said Miller Highlife sucks, I would be upset. Its the champagne of beers.
(http://1cupawesome.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/Miller-High-Life.jpg)
Also forgot to mention that you can also be high in this thread (should be fitting for The Hanged Man)
which i am slightly.
A friend of mine was a drug addict. and he told me
"No matter how many drugs you take, you will never feel the way you want to"
I thought that was pretty inspiring.
Okay its Josh's turn, pick your poison
PS lets rename this thread "The Bastard Bar" and sticky it Pleaassseee? (if any mods are even out there)
Im fond of whisky or bourbon...Sake is nice. A nice hard cider will do for now. no drugs for me thanks, just not my thing...
EDIT: damn out of cider, ended up drinking magic hat encore IPA :(
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Im sober.
I made this, "The Bastard Bar"
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SWEET! I got the stetson! 8)
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Needs wenches (as does the Bastard Bar).
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What do we get out of it? Not going back to the Vestibule again, BC doesnt clean that place
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I don't think that can be me... I'm upright in that photo :laugh:
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sup bastards
heres what i drank tonight. the absolute cheapeast way, alcohol per dollar, to get drunk at my local liquor store. It was a boring lonely friday night so i thought i ewould try it, abosluty l horrible as you could guess.
you read that right: 10.5% alcohol per volume. Totally worth my whole $1.69
Edit: Those 5 fuckin X's are for a reason
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Hadnt seen that one before... does look horrible though :(
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Isn't that stuff made out of homeless people?
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Im sober.
I made this, "The Bastard Bar"
That is so wrong.
I would always serve beer to mutants.
Well... as long as they had money.
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But they broke so many glasses last time... I remember everyone using plant pots.
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In a drunken stupor, let me say that I have been dead on the inside for a few years, and its a shit feeling.
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Ozark men like to kill deers, drink beers, and punch queers
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It's kind of amazing how many different letters you can add in front of 'eers' or 'ears' and still end up with a word.