Unwashed Village
General Discussion => Unwashed Village => Topic started by: BlueCross on May 10, 2012, 10:14:39 PM
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Lack of wenches.
And it's our fault ('our' = Bastard Bar Brothers).
The wenches were the glue that held our creaky seams together; they gave us perspective, insight, laughs, and boo- er... fun times.
We offer nothing anymore that makes them want to do anything other than the occasional drive-by, and even those are fading quickly. We wallow in despair at their disappearance, which only quickens the death spiral which will eventually reduce the Village to ghostly memories of lost times.
OK, sure, maybe I should have cancelled the Friday Wench Execution Celebration but geez... you'd think they would have forgotten that by know.
I know the Vestibule is gonna take some hits on this but seriously, how can you blame the Vestibule? It's not like anyone had high expectations of it.
And really... I blame Night Owl. Obvious when you think about.
He ran off and got married and drank beer and did stuff, not realizing that it was his Incredible Manliness that kept the Wenches in the Bar, and the Ale on tap.
So you might have other opinions, I s'pose but it's hard to argue with Cold, Hard Facts. The Wenches are Gone.
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Someone had that theory a while ago, no one did anything about it.
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I agree with AcdQueen, we need to get a van and start grabbing them off the streets!
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We better get some wenches quick, otherwise we will have to put Hoopy Frood in a frock and have our way with him...
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Perhaps we could attract them with things they like?
*Sets down an assortment of fashion magazines, chocolates, a TV guide open to the Lifetime channel, ETC under a very large creaky wooden box, held up with a stick, and hides around a corner with a string*
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Who needs wenches when you have this
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Awesome. So far, we have:
1. Someone already had a theory.
2. Grab them off the streets and stuff them into a van.
3. Use Hoopy as a wench substitute.
4. Use a box trap.
5. Substitute wenches with a sammich maker.
*cries*
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Would it make you feel better if I moved back into the Vestibule?
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Awesome. So far, we have:
1. Someone already had a theory.
2. Grab them off the streets and stuff them into a van.
3. Use Hoopy as a wench substitute.
4. Use a box trap.
5. Substitute wenches with a sammich maker.
*cries*
We could mix 2, 3 and 4 together...
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We're gonna need a bigger van...
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While I would no doubt look damn sexy in a dress (provided I shaved my legs), it's not really my thing.
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-peers out from under a rock- ;)
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-peers out from under a rock- ;)
Are those my rocks? Time to get them off, I s'pose...
:leer:
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-leers back-
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We need more wenches!
And how we get them doesn't matter a great deal.
*puts £500 behind the Bastard Bar for all and any wenches*
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We need more wenches!
And how we get them doesn't matter a great deal.
*puts £500 behind the Bastard Bar for all and any wenches*
*looks behind Bastard Bar*
*coughs*
"Hey, is that Night Owl coming in??"
*points to doorway*
"No, I guess not..."
*wanders out of Bar, whistling, hands in both bulging pockets*
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HA I didn't fall for it!
While you all looked away I swindled a mouthful of beer out of the tap...
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HA I didn't fall for it!
While you all looked away I swindled a mouthful of beer out of the tap...
But... but... that's illegal, ain't it?
I'm gonna call the Sherriff, and I'm pretty sure it's Night Owl. And (worse for you) I'm pretty sure it's his beer.
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Oh bollocks... er... DON'T HIT MY MOUSTACHE! :o
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And really... I blame Night Owl. Obvious when you think about.
He ran off and got married and drank beer and did stuff, not realizing that it was his Incredible Manliness that kept the Wenches in the Bar, and the Ale on tap.
sigh... guilty.
But the world needed more Owl. What can I say?