Unwashed Village
General Discussion => Unwashed Village => Topic started by: Loveshack on June 05, 2008, 09:11:53 AM
-
I remember hearing in a movie that every story that's worth telling is about a girl. I don't know for sure if this story is worth telling, but it is all about a girl: the perfect girl. At least, she's perfect to me. I suppose that's what a layman's definition of love may be; ignoring the flaws for the sake of the virtues. Love and stupidity must have a common ancestor.
This girl, who I have known since at least third grade, have drifted in and out of each other's lives over the years since we graduated high school. She and I were never really close until sophomore year of high school, though we got along okay and enjoyed each other's company, and then when we graduated. Through all that time I watched her grow from a pretty young girl into the beautiful young woman she is today. I think part of me always fancied her, even back then, if only because she was unique. She never really fit in with the "other girls" in that she didn't get caught up in the superficial schlock that formed the social pastiche of high school girls in the late '90s. She didn't bother with the heavy makeup or slutty clothes or any of the other things that I've always thought degrading to women; and that only made her more beautiful to me.
During college, she went to school out of state, but we kept in touch via e-mail and saw each other during school vacations. I remember one time I called her over to hang out, panicked at the last minute, and called a couple of buddies to race over before she arrived just so the burden of conversation wouldn't be just on me the whole time. Yeah, I know. Smooooth. But the thing that stands out in my mind is that, at the end of the night, after we, all of us, went to see "The Man Who Wasn't There", and it was just the two of us on the sidewalk, she said to me, "You're nervous around girls aren't you, Jared?" to which all I could do was dig my toe into the pavement and hang my head like a kid who just knocked a baseball through a store window, and sheepishly mutter, "Yeah." And she said. "You don't have to do that with me. I know you too well for it to work anyway!" I went home that night feeling like I was king of the world.
She and I kept this friendship going pretty much the same way over the years until recently when fate smiled and put us in the same housing community. Of course by now we both had jobs with somewhat incompatible schedules but we still made time to at least talk on the phone if we couldn't get any facetime.
The more time I spent with her, the more beautiful she became to me not because she had looks, but because she had a beautiful heart. That's something that I've found to be rare with all of the girls I've met at college. Most of them had hearts as black as coal when you got to know them. You need only see how they treat the elderly or some other undesirable to see their true colors. All the superficial sweetness in the world can't take that taste out of your mouth. Not her.
I finally couldn't take it anymore and called her up one night and said I had to tell her something important. Immediately I felt stupid and tried to backpeddle out of it, but she wouldn't let me. "No. You tell me what's up RIGHT NOW!"
"I...::sigh:: I think I like you."
"Yeah, I know. I'm sorry, but I don't feel the same way. I think I might, but I don't know for sure." (Ladies, if you're ever going to say this to a guy, do them a favor, just go over to their house and stab them through the heart with a crowbar, it's less painful and it grants them the quick death that the other response leaves them craving but doesn't deliver.)
She still wants to be my friend, but gave me the option of cutting her out completely. I told her I would be willing to try to be her friend, but that she should know I would always want more. I figured why lie? I'm bad at deception anyway, and she knows me too well. She seemed oddly okay with that and we still hang out.
The other day she told me she had a boyfriend. This would be her second relationship in almost a decade. The former was with a good friend of mine and didn't last long. She doesn't like to date. My response was less than charming. I'll spare all the gory details, but it involved me saying "No." in the phone repeatedly with an inflection vaguely reminiscent of a coyote howling at the moon. "NowhooOOO, Leeloo, NowhooOO..." Not too proud of myself there, but what can I say, it hurt. It still hurts.
But, I was totally honest with her. That's something that I didn't try with the girl in "Love Stinks" part I. And if Leeloo is happy with this guy, then I have no just cause to be jealous or angry. Unfortunately, the many qualities in her that I find so attractive are qualities that I can't return. I can only offer sincerity and loyalty, which means I'd make a fine dog, but not a good boyfriend. If she's happy and this guy gives her what I can't and treats her better than I could, then I should be happy for her, right? I am. I'm so happy for her I can almost ignore the bitter lump in my heart that I want so badly to disgorge. Once, just once, I'd like to be the other half of the happy equation, and not the anguished lovelorn wretch writing about this stuff in the middle of the night.
In spite of it all, she's still so beautiful...
-
Can't type much but hugs.
I will share that once of the most sickening feelings is to tell someone that I don't feel that way.
Seeing that puppy dog hopeful happy look change into a crushed shot down look isn't a good feeling from our end. Not being defensive or argumentative. ;)
If we're upfront we shot them down, if we don't say anything then we led them along. I always told right away but it's hard when you're not sure.
eg. Am I NOT feeling that feeling or am I just not wanting to be in a relationship right now? (Speaking from a perspective of years ago NOT right now)
Wish I could type more but this took me about 5 minutes.
ps. I forgot the original point. It was probably more painful for her to tell you directly but she knew that would be less painful than dragging it out over days/weeks or even more. So if it makes it better... she valued you enough to take the pain instead of shoving you to the side.
Besides... who knows what the future will bring... just don't act needy! Smothering is a turn off to me. Not saying you are smothering.
-
Good. Honesty. Love it.
With all these emotions out in the air and not bottled up, life should go more flatly rather than taking a huge dive downward.
Anyway, I wish I had a point here, but I've never had a childhood friend than I'm still friends with today. Basically due to not being interested in girls until I was smack-dab in the middle of a boys-only school :( So I can't really give any solid advice other than wait for it. Time will pass, things will slowly matter less, and you'll move on.
Keep yourself honest, though. Its a good thing.
-
Smothering is a turn off to me.
You mean like with a pillow? ;D
Sorry to hear about the girl issues, Loveshack. Not much to say really. I've been down that road before and I'm of the mindset that it's better to hear it right up front rather than be strung along for a while.
-
If I had a dollar for every girl problem I've had we could open up an actual Bastard Bar.
The best I could is raise my glass for you.
If I had to give advice I'd say find something to smile about in the problem. Like yesterday I was set up on a date with a friend of a friend and she seemed none too interested in me, but I just kind of laughed it off. Sure she was oh-my-god gorgeous, and I tried my best. At least it was better than a few of my dates. I did date a 35 year old single mother with an ex-husband who was stalking me (what were the odds that I'd see the same rusty VW van everywhere I went?), and when that relationship went south I couldn't help but laugh it off. At least it got the stalker off my back.
But all break ups and un-reciprocated feelings hurt. I will admit that after the 35 year old left me for someone else I showed up for work drunk out of my mind. And after last night (It was a double date with my best friend and his girlfriend) my friend and I sat around passing back and forth a bottle of wine while talking and laughing about all of the times the girl ignored me through the night.
At least you put yourself out there. There have been so many times where I liked a girl and was too chicken to say anything to her. At least that means when the right girl comes around you won't let her pass by.
-
Yeah, the real problem is that this is one of maybe three girls who I ever thought, "Gee, I could see myself married to them."
The first one was when I was thirteen and it was mainly because she had a smokin' body and was lumpy in all the right places.
The second one was more in my league, and had a girl-next-door sort of innocence that pretty much made her become...less than I hoped for...when she went away to college.
This third one is different. She's got consistency and sincerity. The thing I don't want to admit is that everything she deserves, I can't offer her. So if I truly care about her, I should be happy to let her find someone who gives her everything she deserves, no matter what that means for me.
-
The thing I don't want to admit is that everything she deserves, I can't offer her.
I don't know the situation but I find that debatable. Attitude counts for a lot. If you think you don't have anything to offer then you're going to give off that vibe and people will pick up on that. You'll make a Self-Fulfilling Prophecy (http://www.wisegeek.com/what-is-a-self-fulfilling-prophecy.htm)out of that.
You're not a troll in appearance (or anything close to that ) and you're not a jerk. Some woman would be very lucky to have you. I think going on a few dates might be fun for you even if nothing romantic comes out of it. Go just to get out there and if things become serious then Yeah! Sign up for a dating service. Heeck there's even "geek" related ones where people interested in video games, comics and such can meet.
Soul Geek - Geek Dating, Geek Community, Geek Dating Advice (http://www.soulgeek.com/)
Just be honest because thanks to the internet you can post whatever and there's someone that'll share you're interest.
"Your bio says you like to dress up in Star Fleet uniforms when you know... I think we might be compatible but I just want to make sure... Original Series or Next Gen?"
-
a few years ago i was somewhat in your same situation. at least with how you have it now, you can still respect eachother. even though i still see the guy once or twice a year, i have little respect for him because he didnt know how to handle the situation. he's not a bad guy, but your handling seems to be much better than what he did (and he technically had the 'upper hand' as i was the one with the crush).
have a couple drinks, cuz we all need them for various reasons.
-
The thing I don't want to admit is that everything she deserves, I can't offer her.
I don't know the situation but I find that debatable. Attitude counts for a lot. If you think you don't have anything to offer then you're going to give off that vibe and people will pick up on that. You'll make a Self-Fulfilling Prophecy (http://www.wisegeek.com/what-is-a-self-fulfilling-prophecy.htm)out of that.
You're not a troll in appearance (or anything close to that ) and you're not a jerk. Some woman would be very lucky to have you. I think going on a few dates might be fun for you even if nothing romantic comes out of it. Go just to get out there and if things become serious then Yeah! Sign up for a dating service. Heeck there's even "geek" related ones where people interested in video games, comics and such can meet.
Soul Geek - Geek Dating, Geek Community, Geek Dating Advice (http://www.soulgeek.com/)
Just be honest because thanks to the internet you can post whatever and there's someone that'll share you're interest.
"Your bio says you like to dress up in Star Fleet uniforms when you know... I think we might be compatible but I just want to make sure... Original Series or Next Gen?"
Thanks for the vote of confidence, but when I say that everything she deserves, I can't offer her, I mean that many of the qualities and personality traits I see in her that make her so beautiful are qualities that I don't have and as such can't give back to her sincerely. Also, the fact that she can't see me with the same adoration that I see her means that I have no right to be jealous if she finds someone who she not only adores as much as I adore her, but who likewise adores her as much as I adore her. Who's to say that she won't wind up falling for me in the end? It could happen, but even if it doesn't, should I mope and sulk because I'm getting what I want and because things didn't work out how I wanted them to? I can't help but notice all the instances of the the word "I" in there. If I really care about her as much as I say I do, and as much as she deserves, I should want the best for her no matter where that leaves me in the end.
Oh, and while I was thinking about it, I remembered something that I feel is a good representation of my reaction to her telling me she had a boyfriend. I REALLY WISH I WAS KIDDING, but this isn't all that much of a stretch. Actually, this might be a disservice to just how far off the handle I flew.
http://www.i-mockery.com/minimocks/darth-tragedy/darth-no.wav (http://www.i-mockery.com/minimocks/darth-tragedy/darth-no.wav)
-
Thanks for the vote of confidence, but when I say that everything she deserves
To begin, stop putting her (or women in general) so high on a pedistal. I don't know many women (or people, for that matter) that like that. That whole "she deserves better" crap is soooooo weak.
The girls I dated were friggen lucky to be dating me. And I was lucky to be dating them. Well, some of them (but they were ALL lucky to be dating me ;) )
You need some confidence. Because you seem to have none. Don't mean to be insulting, but that's my opinion.
-
If I had a dollar for every girl problem I've had we could open up an actual Bastard Bar.
Eh... wot??
The Bastard Bar 'is' real. Reports to the contrary are... well... contrary.
-
If I had a dollar for every girl problem I've had we could open up an actual Bastard Bar.
Eh... wot??
The Bastard Bar 'is' real. Reports to the contrary are... well... contrary.
It's the tabs that aren't real. At least not real in the sense that they'll ever be paid.
-
If I had a dollar for every girl problem I've had we could open up an actual Bastard Bar.
Eh... wot??
The Bastard Bar 'is' real. Reports to the contrary are... well... contrary.
It's the tabs that aren't real. At least not real in the sense that they'll ever be paid.
That would be less of a problem if you would stop inviting Night Owl.
-
If I had a dollar for every girl problem I've had we could open up an actual Bastard Bar.
Eh... wot??
The Bastard Bar 'is' real. Reports to the contrary are... well... contrary.
It's the tabs that aren't real. At least not real in the sense that they'll ever be paid.
That would be less of a problem if you would stop inviting Night Owl.
Me? I thought you were inviting him...
Wait a minute...
-
If I had a dollar for every girl problem I've had we could open up an actual Bastard Bar.
Eh... wot??
The Bastard Bar 'is' real. Reports to the contrary are... well... contrary.
It's the tabs that aren't real. At least not real in the sense that they'll ever be paid.
That would be less of a problem if you would stop inviting Night Owl.
Me? I thought you were inviting him...
Wait a minute...
there are invitations?
-
If I had a dollar for every girl problem I've had we could open up an actual Bastard Bar.
Eh... wot??
The Bastard Bar 'is' real. Reports to the contrary are... well... contrary.
It's the tabs that aren't real. At least not real in the sense that they'll ever be paid.
That would be less of a problem if you would stop inviting Night Owl.
Me? I thought you were inviting him...
Wait a minute...
there are invitations?
Dammit Solwyn, I told you that would be a problem!
-
I thought the tab was the thing you pulled on to get the beer.
-
I thought the tab was the thing you pulled on to get the beer.
(http://www.lundy.org/lundys/kensr/tabsoda/_content/images/tab_can.gif)
-
I thought the tab was the thing you pulled on to get the beer.
(http://www.lundy.org/lundys/kensr/tabsoda/_content/images/tab_can.gif)
nsfw, I s'pose...
http://msp114.photobucket.com/albums/n241/peopleilovems/Funny%20Stuff/nasty.jpg
-
You're a terrible, nasty man BC; I have enough fodder for nightmares in my life without seeing that image.
Just for that I think you should get me a beer at the bastard bar... on owls tab of course.
-
You're a terrible, nasty man BC; I have enough fodder for nightmares in my life without seeing that image.
Just for that I think you should get me a beer at the bastard bar... on owls tab of course.
How odd... I thought everyone used Owl's tab at the Bastard Bar.
*shrug*
-
How odd... I thought everyone used Owl's tab at the Bastard Bar.
*shrug*
oh.... i've been using yours....
-
Dude, you are like me when I am much younger. You take interactions between the sexes too seriously, thus you can't relax and aren't able to show off your charming confident self.
I assume you dress well, are clean cut, and takes care of yourself. So don't take all the girls as the last one/or the one until you have the time to find out.
And hon, you rushed the girl for a decision. How much time did you Actually spent alone with her? Have you gotten to know the "real" her aside from the goddessness? I mean, even Belledandy has faults, and gets insanely jealous.
Men have tendency to obsess over things, call it genetic predisposition to chase things. Get out there, relax, make friends, and see where that takes you. Don't be like my friend 3-4 dates in, she was thinking whether or not this was the one, and that ended badly. Take it easy, dude.
-
WTF IS IT WITH YOU WOMEN?! YOU'RE ALL EITHER BATSHIT INSANE OR YOU LIKE PLAYING PUPPET MASTER WITH ME OR WHAT?! I DON'T EVEN KNOW! I GIVE UP! I FLAT OUT GIVE UP TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT THE DEAL IS WITH YOU ALL? ARE YOU HAPPY?! YOU'VE OFFICIALLY WORN A MAN OUT AT 25, THAT HAS TO BE SOME KIND OF ACCOMPLISHMENT FOR THE GENDER?! ARE YOU PROUD NOW?! DO YOU WIN SOME KIND OF TROPHY FOR SENDING ALL THE MIXED SIGNALS? BRA_FOK_VO!
Edit: You may disregard the above post as the natural outcome of a bad drunken sexual episode.
-
WTF IS IT WITH YOU WOMEN?! YOU'RE ALL EITHER BATSHIT INSANE OR YOU LIKE PLAYING PUPPET MASTER WITH ME OR WHAT?! I DON'T EVEN KNOW! I GIVE UP! I FLAT OUT GIVE UP TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT THE DEAL IS WITH YOU ALL? ARE YOU HAPPY?! YOU'VE OFFICIALLY WORN A MAN OUT AT 25, THAT HAS TO BE SOME KIND OF ACCOMPLISHMENT FOR THE GENDER?! ARE YOU PROUD NOW?! DO YOU WIN SOME KIND OF TROPHY FOR SENDING ALL THE MIXED SIGNALS? BRA_FOK_VO!
Edit: You may disregard the above post as the natural outcome of a bad drunken sexual episode.
Hugs. I must get really bad for Loveshack to get mad because you're normally happy and good natured.
Geez... I don't know what to really tell you. Maybe sharing some experiences from the other side will help.
I know the reverse has happened to me in the past. What I thought was SUPER CLEAR AND STRAIGHTFORWARD got twisted around. I didn't hint or do vague references in those sentences/converstaions. I said something that I thought was clear and it became something else. Accepting a offer to use your landline inside your house (before cell phones were more widespread isn't acceptance on my part for sex.
So perhaps it just a case of He Said / She Said?
That said there are women who aren't straightforward. eg. Can't bring themselves to say they don't like you (or perhaps they don't know if they DO or DON'T like you). That seems to be a issue with some of my male friends. Likewise there are men that are convinced that 80% (if not higher) of what you say is an invitation or just plain confusion.
Shrug.
Maybe you need a platonic female friend that'll interpret conversations for you. Eventually you'll understand more of the meaning?
Communication between the sexes gets easier as you get older if that's anything...
ps. I have hinted sometimes if I think the subject matter is ok and not something highly important. That's to give a gentle nudge and it sounds nicer. eg. "Yawn. It's late!" "My head hurts. Probably because I haven't had my coffee today." (I won't get mad if they don't get it. I'll just get more direct if needed.) "JEN NEED COFFEE NOW!!!!!" Then I will grab the steering wheel and jerk it to the right, over the landscaping and onto the parking lot of Einstein Bagels. Although that's somewhat rare. I find myself mainly phrasing things like: "Would you mind stopping for coffee? or "Would you mind if we left in 15 minutes?"
-
What happened concerns the girl from Love Stinks part I. She and I and some other high school/college friends got together because we were all in town for the holidays. The other men at the party are engaged. All night long she kept "letting slip" that she had broken up with her boyfriend. Like three different times. The drinking and such carried on through the night, and the other friends kept suggesting we get together. She and I both sort of laughed it off. We wound up back at one of her friend's places around three am with one of her lady friends and a guy friend. Drinking excessively for a while. Her lady friend and this other guy hook up despite having just met. This girl, who I'll remind everyone I've known for 20 years, just wants to sleep. Alone. I am drunk, and I'm not even offered the courtesy of a couch. But I have a car and the other guy doesn't, besides he's busy. I'm really not good to drive, but I don't have any other option really. I say my goodbyes, and leave. On the way home, I cannot figure out what the hell just happened. Things were looking good there for a while.
-
It may be of small comfort to you, but even though you had to drive under the influence, I feel that you did the right thing.
I think that your friend is confused. Trust me, I know how frustrating it can be when you have what is to you a blatantly
obvious answer to the questions of a relationship, and the other person just can't seem to get there. It's maddening.
There's really nothing you can do to bring that person to a less confused state, either. To try do so just frustrates the two
of you.
Alcohol and such a confused state really only make the person more confused. The mixed signals come fast and furious after
a drink or two, and to act on them would only bring heartache.
Now speaking as a very old person who has had his heart broken more times than he cares to remember, please let me offer
some advice and please feel free to ignore it completely if it doesn't fit. I really won't mind if you do so. ;-)
Methinks that you should begin to look elsewhere for a less confused person. Maybe, in time, your ladyfriend may come to the
conclusion that you ARE the one for her, perhaps not. But on NO ACCOUNT should you put your life on hold to wait for such
a decision. Life is too short and too precious to be wasted "waiting for an answer". In my 42+ years on this earth, I've
never received the answer that I wanted. You could be different though. Like I said before, feel free to toss this in the rubbish.
You're a great person, and someone, somewhere will see that in the future. She may not even be anyone you know now or
expect. These things seem to revel in serendipity (A word I love, btw) and blindside you when you least expect it.
All this doesn't ease any of the pain in your heart, I'm sure. That takes time. Just do the best to have fun and live life to the
fullest. Enjoy yourself. If that person doesn't want to be with you, then just move on and don't let it stain you.
You WILL meet better people. I am certain of this. Being happy and having fun attracts more happiness and fun (It works like a
charm for me!).
Take care mate, even if you think I'm full of hot air, I still wish you the best in whatever you decide to do.
Sincerely,
-Kama-
-
I don't know if this will help you at all, but you never know, so here we go.
Nobody I've ever had a relationship has been somebody who I've known for long. Generally they've been girls I've met in passing, through a friend-of-a-friend or even just through one of the groups I'm involved with (the most recent being the director of a play I was in last year)
Going from friendship to relationship CAN work, it's true, but the risks are FAR greater. The better the friendship is, the more likely it is that one side or the other will be unwilling to take that risk.
One of the worst things you can do though is play the "I'd be better for her than her boyfriend" game. That's just out-of-the-blue advice because it's a trap a LOT of guys fall into. Not saying you will, but you could. In any case, it's bad news. So don't do it. It's like crack but more destructive.
-
1. If you want to keep being friends with this girl, you've really got to get your shit together. Drunk or not, when you make comments like you just did, you've got some serious fucking issues that have nothing to do with sobriety.
2. If your aim is still to get together with this girl, you need to have your head examined. This wasn't a 'bad sexual episode', it was you being drunk and stupid.
3. Next time, take a cab. You're 25 years old so stop acting like a child.
-
1. If you want to keep being friends with this girl, you've really got to get your shit together. Drunk or not, when you make comments like you just did, you've got some serious fucking issues that have nothing to do with sobriety.
2. If your aim is still to get together with this girl, you need to have your head examined. This wasn't a 'bad sexual episode', it was you being drunk and stupid.
3. Next time, take a cab. You're 25 years old so stop acting like a child.
Much as I appreciate the insight, MY behavior does not confuse and confound me. Your thoughts on HER behavior would be nice. And yes, there was drunken stupidity throughout the evening, all around. I should also add that she kept volunteering information that I would be inclined to think a girl would make up just to screw with men. You know... "I've liked the few pornos I've seen." "I sometimes wonder what it'd be like to be with a woman." That kind of thing. Inserted into the conversation, in apropo of nothing I or anyone else said.
Now imagine this sort of thing going on for years, waxing and waning like cycles of the moon. You starting to see what my issue is? I don't know what her deal is. Kama seems to be close to the mark though, I think she's confused, and I am too, and booze probably didn't help things.
-
3. Next time, take a cab. You're 25 years old so stop acting like a child.
I didn't want to have to go back the next morning for my car, that would have been awkward. On the other hand, I could have played that angle so I could have couch-surfed and...shit. :inquisitive:
There was a time when I thought that this girl would be the one, and then I got over it after the better part of a decade. Then another girl came along that you can read about in the above posts. It didn't work out. Then I run into the first girl again without having any amorous or carnal intentions, but then she starts acting kinda strange...
-
It doesn't sound like she's acting strange, it sounds like she's acting mildly flirty. Which is not a surprising condition to be in when a) around old friends and b) drunk. I think girls, or at least some girls, can be more casually flirty around guys when they're comfortable that nothing is going to come of it, i.e. engaged/involved guys or longtime 'friend-zoners' like you.
-
and booze probably didn't help things.
This is an understated summary of the entire evening IMO.
-
Couple of things:
It's time for you to let it go and move on, it's obviously doing you no good.
To be totally blunt, if you ever drive a car while over the limit again, I hope you get caught and before anyone gets hurt. I really don't care how awkward it would have been, but that's nothing compared to the danger you exposed yourself and others to. Inexcusable.
-
...or longtime 'friend-zoners' like you.
Ordinarily, I would agree with you about the "Friend Zone". I hate the Friend Zone. But... it hasn't stopped her before. Of course, she knew some of these guys for about five less years than she's known me. I don't know if that makes a huge difference when you've known someone since kindergarten. I have to wonder if it's a "me" thing.
...To be totally blunt, if you ever drive a car while over the limit again...
I don't know for a fact that I was over the limit. I'd had like ten beers spaced out over two hours, some of it was in pitchers. I'm a big man, too. But if I'd had an option stay, I felt buzzed enough that that would have been wiser.
-
It's cute that for everything I say, you find a reason in there to think you've got a chance.
Did I say cute? I meant stalkerish.
And next time man up and at least ask for the couch. You can cry softly into a pillow while you hold yourself, or whatever.
-
It's cute that for everything I say, you find a reason in there to think you've got a chance.
Hope spring eternal, even false hope.
Did I say cute? I meant stalkerish.
There is a difference. I'm not mentally ill or anything. I just really liked her, and I am really socially awkward in regards to "The Game" or whatever you want to call it, so I'm sometimes at a loss about how to deal with things like this and the emotions they bring. It's not something I've had to deal with a lot.
-
I don't know for a fact that I was over the limit. I'd had like ten beers spaced out over two hours, some of it was in pitchers. I'm a big man, too. But if I'd had an option stay, I felt buzzed enough that that would have been wiser.
What? Seriously, what? 10 beers in 2 hours and you think you're okay to drive?
Check this out. http://bloodalcoholcalculator.org/ Granted, BAC calculators are only estimates because they only take into account a handful of factors (like weight, gender, number of drinks, and time frame) that go into how intoxicated someone becomes, so this thing is only a basic estimate, but, at 10 beers in 2 hours, you'd have to weigh in the neighborhood of 360 pounds to be under the legal limit of .08%. And that's just barely. Now, I could be wrong here, but the last picture I recall seeing of you, I wouldn't have guessed you in or near the 350+ pound category. If so, then just tell me to shaddup and I'll go back to playing WoW :)
-
I weigh 366 at the moment, so I have a high tolerance. Come to think of it: weighing 366 might be a factor in this. It's kind of hard to be taken seriously in romantic pursuits when you've got that doughy teddy bear and/or Carl from Aqua Teen Hunger Force thing going on. Still, better than this time last year when I weighed 4 bills. (Trust me, that's not a pleasant weight.)
Also, ladies, I'm sorry if I offended any of you in the misogynistic posting. I was drunk, which I've been told absolves me of all responsibility for my actions. Okay, seriously, I was venting my frustration with two women onto ALL women, which wasn't right. I wasn't thinking clearly. For future reference, if I say anything like that again, please assume that excludes any of you unless I name names or something.
This guy (http://ask.metafilter.com/71261/How-to-handle-unrequited-love-with-a-best-friend) is in a similar situation. I think it was dumb to think that I can keep being friends with her. It's not that I don't enjoy her company or anything. It's just that even when I try to make myself just enjoy her friendship, I can't do it because in the back of my mind, I want more. So even though I'm dying to spend time with her, even as her friend, it's an exercise in self-torture. It doesn't help that mutual friends keep encouraging her to date me. This wasn't at my request, by the way. I think I may have to tell her as much. Something like.
I'm sorry, but I can't view you as my friend because that's not what you are to me. We both want something from each other that we can't provide; and that's not fair to either of us. You want me to be your friend, and believe me I want to be that for you, but I'm not able to keep lying about it. I love you, and that's why I can't spend any more time with you.
Sounds good in print, and is probably the right thing to do, (though, like I've said before, I'm bad at this.), Putting it into practice sounds very painful, and I'd rather take a bullet for someone.
-
I say this coming from a dude who also used to be overweight, insecure and way too concerned with chicks...but dude, pull yourself the fuck out of this. First off you need to separate yourself both from this chick and probably most girls in your life for a while, because when you're lonely you see shit that isn't there and hope for things that both won't be and shouldn't be.
Then, m'friend, work on whatever it is you need to do to fix yourself. Whatever your insecurities are, fix the problem. People telling you to stop feeling insecure isn't going to work, I know that, so just do what it takes and fix what's *causing* them. When you are seriously ok with who you are, people know that. Even people who aren't that conscious of themselves or other peoples feelings have an innate ability to read other people through body language. You can't fake confidence, people know. And when you can look yourself in the mirror and know that there isn't anything more you could be doing to be a better you, cheesy as that sounds, that's when you've reached a point where it's damn near impossible to still feel insecure. Remove guilt from your life.
Cause I'm gonna level with you, every post I've seen you make about chicks reminds me of a 16 year old me. And that guy was one awkward mother fucker around the ladies, fo' realz. You're still young and have time to fix that shit in time to be young enough to reap and enjoy the rewards. My first suggestion is start working out religiously. You force yourself through the first three weeks and after that you get not only the joy of the weight loss but the exertion and endorphins will keep the tension away and leave you with a feeling of just being more ok with things. And if you're even remotely like I was, and you don't have to say whether you are or aren't, a lot, if not most, of your guilt and insecurity comes just from being that overweight and feeling like you've just let it happen and continue to do nothing about it. If you put in even half the effort I did you'll be fit, thin and possibly buff in a year and a half, two years. You work *as* hard as I did, it could happen in 6 to 9 months. And the work *is* worth it because I don't feel the need to use kid gloves with a guy in his mid twenties, you're right, being a fatty fat fat makes finding women extremely difficult. Most girls don't mind a guy who is 10, 20, hell, maybe even 30 or 40 pounds overweight, depending on your height and frame and how well you can personally pull that off, but once you've hit 50 pounds over what you're supposed to weigh, you better be damned rich, damned successful or damned lucky if you expect to find a halfway decent girl who goes ga-ga over you. That is, unless, you're one of those guys who is genuinely and truly confident in spite of their looks *and* has the character and charisma to pull that off (Hint: You aren't, or you wouldn't be posting stuff like this)
Just don't half ass it, do it right. Keep the calories in the 1200-1800 per day region for a while, and make sure you work out at least 60-90 minutes a day. Use Cardio only as a warm-up and cool down, at first, and focus on building muscle which burns more calories even at rest and then add in more Cardio over time when you're more concerned about stamina and fitness than appearance. And, lastly, listen to Night Owl. Women don't belong on a pedestal nor do they want to be there.
-
I know a guy who has been besotted with me for almost 2 years, and it drives me batshit insane that even though he was (and i suppose, is) a great guy with whom i had a great friendship, i can't so much as compliment his new haircut without his face lighting up, heralding the imminent arrival of yet another 'I need to tell you how I feel, just give me a chance, I swear we were meant to be together' conversation. He pretty much forces me to treat him badly, because if i show any affection (hugging him when he got promoted) he takes it as a sign that i am desperate to bear his children. I dont really believe in mixed signals - only people who want to see something that isnt there.
-
She's got a point.
I have a life philosophy that I adopted 5 or 6 years ago that I've stood firmly by, and it has served me well in the time since.
If you are not 100% sure a chick is into you, she just flatout isn't. If she *was* into you, you would know, you wouldn't need to be guessing.
-
Yeah, Lara's probably right here. I was probably subconsciously looking for signals.
-
If you are not 100% sure a chick is into you, she just flatout isn't. If she *was* into you, you would know, you wouldn't need to be guessing.
You sure about that? What about this "Game" I've heard so much about. You know, "The Dance"? You're telling me that it doesn't exist?
-
No probably about it. That's sort of what I was talking about, you can't let your mind get involved with maybes and probablies anymore. That leaves room for "Welllll, maybe not". And that's when you end up in situations like these.
Just trust me on this. Take a time out from girls, mentally and physically. The physically will have to come first, though. Otherwise you just wind up back in old habits.
-
If you are not 100% sure a chick is into you, she just flatout isn't. If she *was* into you, you would know, you wouldn't need to be guessing.
You sure about that? What about this "Game" I've heard so much about. You know, "The Dance"? You're telling me that it doesn't exist?
Oh it exists, but the Game is just the social process by which two people who are into each other ease into being open about it without feeling like they gave up the most pride, dignity or restraint to get there.
-
Yeah, Lara's probably right here. I was probably subconsciously looking for signals.
Lara is always right. It's this thing she does.
And you're not subconsciously looking for signals, you've got a magnifying glass and are combing every square inch of ground. If you're not even going to be honest with yourself on a fucking message board you don't stand a lot of chance of getting over this thing in the real world.
-
And you're not subconsciously looking for signals, you've got a magnifying glass and are combing every square inch of ground. If you're not even going to be honest with yourself on a fucking message board you don't stand a lot of chance of getting over this thing in the real world.
Listen to him, there's wisdom behind his comic douchebaggery!
-
(http://jj.am/gallery/d/43672-1/Friend_zone_motivator.jpg)
-
Well, I tried.
Hope the resentment and self-pity works out for ya.
-
No man, I get it. I was browsing through demotivational posters and randomly found that one. Thought it was funny and relevant.
-
Well, if you really get it, the first thing you need to do is get some free-weights. I know from experience that if you're lazy enough to get fat, you're too lazy to go to the gym and, even if you weren't, it's humiliating being the fat guy at the gym. This I know. If you don't have or aren't willing to invest the money in something like a bowflex (Which was my best friend. I got one after my first 3 months after I'd lost around 40 pounds) you will need a cheap set of free weights. However, since that will only work out certain areas, you will need to make the best of what you have. "Not having the equipment" is no excuse. All excercise is just resistance in one form or another, and I lost the first forty pounds with nothing but two twenty pound dumbells, a floor and a set of stairs.
Also, I really recommend Isopure (I believe that's what it was called) protein shakes. 50 grams of protein per, the taste is actually very tolerable (at least in chocolate) if a little bland, and it's loaded out the ass with 50-100% of the daily recommended allowance of more or less every vitamin and mineral ever discovered by man. Protein=muscle, and having muscles=more calories being burned at all times.
-
I know a guy who has been besotted with me for almost 2 years, and it drives me batshit insane that even though he was (and i suppose, is) a great guy with whom i had a great friendship, i can't so much as compliment his new haircut without his face lighting up, heralding the imminent arrival of yet another 'I need to tell you how I feel, just give me a chance, I swear we were meant to be together' conversation. He pretty much forces me to treat him badly, because if i show any affection (hugging him when he got promoted) he takes it as a sign that i am desperate to bear his children. I dont really believe in mixed signals - only people who want to see something that isnt there.
Then stop hugging me! *runs away sobbing uncontrollably* :bigcry:
PS - Loveshack, this post wasn't poking fun at you. Just wanted to make sure you knew that. I think we've all (man and woman alike) probably been in situations where we were interested and the other person wasn't. It sucks, feelings are hurt, and oaths to never try again are made. Eventually though, if you keep trying, things will likely work out with some other person when you aren't even looking for it to happen. Keep the faith, bro.
-
It may be of small comfort to you, but even though you had to drive under the influence, I feel that you did the right thing.
No, he didn't.
Drove under the influence over a girl???? A friggen girl????? Please.
-
What happened concerns the girl from Love Stinks part I. She and I and some other high school/college friends got together because we were all in town for the holidays. The other men at the party are engaged. All night long she kept "letting slip" that she had broken up with her boyfriend. Like three different times. The drinking and such carried on through the night, and the other friends kept suggesting we get together. She and I both sort of laughed it off. We wound up back at one of her friend's places around three am with one of her lady friends and a guy friend. Drinking excessively for a while. Her lady friend and this other guy hook up despite having just met. This girl, who I'll remind everyone I've known for 20 years, just wants to sleep. Alone. I am drunk, and I'm not even offered the courtesy of a couch. But I have a car and the other guy doesn't, besides he's busy. I'm really not good to drive, but I don't have any other option really. I say my goodbyes, and leave. On the way home, I cannot figure out what the hell just happened. Things were looking good there for a while.
Ok, this seems to be the point where comments are appropriate.
One of two things is happening here:
1) She is NOT into you, yet you think by saying she broke up (etc etc) she secretly IS into you. Lara and others covered this nicely, so I'll leave it alone.
2) Sorry - this might be mean (again). Ok, suppose she IS into you, and the "things were looking good there for awhile" signs were real. Well, WTF WERE YOU WAITING FOR???
My goodness, you "friend" guys are the most timid, sorry bunch I have ever seen. Are you waiting for her to flat-out say "yes, it's safe to kiss me"? Are you waiting for her to make the first move? You say things were looking good - well, WHY DON'T YOU ACT ON THAT????? Why are you so friggen afraid and timid? Allow me to let you in on a secret - women HATE that. They hate the milksop, timid guy who needs a clear "YES IT IS SAFE - I DO WANT YOU" sign (and you know what, even if she said that, you'd probably say "are you sure??")
The problem is you, not women. You are afraid of women, to be honest. The guys who get the girls are the ones who actually make the moves. You know, the ones the "friend guys" refer to as "assholes".
-
I say this coming from a dude who also used to be overweight, insecure and way too concerned with chicks...
snipped for brevity, but this is a great post (and not just cause he says listen to Night Owl)
I love hearing stories of people who took control and just *did* something to make their life better. I'm a huge believer in confidence, personal responsibility, your life is yours to control, etc etc etc - all that self improvement shit is real.
Awesome story, Shard. Really.
-
It may be of small comfort to you, but even though you had to drive under the influence, I feel that you did the right thing.
No, he didn't.
Drove under the influence over a girl???? A friggen girl????? Please.
I was going to leave that part of his actions alone because I didn't want to use the language I'm about to use but I feel now that I have to say something just to make a point.
When I was younger I did the same thing. I never left the neighborhood I was in, it was the middle of the night, and I just drove a few streets away to park and be alone after an argument with a girlfriend. Even with all that considered it was a dumbass thing to do on many levels. If I had been caught driving like that it would have screwed my life up. Even worse, if I'd hit somebody it could have ended theirs.
Don't ever do it folks. It's not worth the risk to yourself and others. It's a completely selfish act to put the lives of everyone on that street in your impaired hands. So Loveshack, I'm saying this with love for ya bro. Don't be a dumbass again.
-
They hate the milksop, timid guy who needs a clear "YES IT IS SAFE - I DO WANT YOU" sign (and you know what, even if she said that, you'd probably say "are you sure??")
Very true. Confidence (not swagger) goes a long way.
-
They hate the milksop, timid guy who needs a clear "YES IT IS SAFE - I DO WANT YOU" sign (and you know what, even if she said that, you'd probably say "are you sure??")
Very true. Confidence (not swagger) goes a long way.
Are you sure? :anxious:
-
They hate the milksop, timid guy who needs a clear "YES IT IS SAFE - I DO WANT YOU" sign (and you know what, even if she said that, you'd probably say "are you sure??")
Very true. Confidence (not swagger) goes a long way.
Are you sure? :anxious:
In what manner? Confused.
-
In what manner? Confused.
Hmm...Doomsie's sarcasm detector seems to be acting up.
*removes it*
*applies percussive maintenance*
*puts it back*
-
They hate the milksop, timid guy who needs a clear "YES IT IS SAFE - I DO WANT YOU" sign (and you know what, even if she said that, you'd probably say "are you sure??")
Very true. Confidence (not swagger) goes a long way.
1. Rejection of my advances would damage the existing friendship, not just leave me at square one.
2. I want to be a gentleman. WAAAY too much bad stuff has happened because of guys who wanted to be, ahem, "forceful". I'm not that type of person.
3. I'm a puss.
-
They hate the milksop, timid guy who needs a clear "YES IT IS SAFE - I DO WANT YOU" sign (and you know what, even if she said that, you'd probably say "are you sure??")
Yeah, you're right. You took the words right out of my mouth.
-
I say this coming from a dude who also used to be overweight, insecure and way too concerned with chicks...
snipped for brevity, but this is a great post (and not just cause he says listen to Night Owl)
I love hearing stories of people who took control and just *did* something to make their life better. I'm a huge believer in confidence, personal responsibility, your life is yours to control, etc etc etc - all that self improvement shit is real.
Awesome story, Shard. Really.
There you have it, folks, I am awesome. And there is always room for improvement. My next big self improvement dealy is going to have to be finding, you know, a career. Or, at the very least, a job that pays more than 20 grand a year. For the first time in years, my confidence has been wavering lately (in general, but also in regards to women for what should be obvious reasons) as I can barely support myself financially and don't have a real job to speak of, but also have difficulty finding places that pay more than 12 an hour without a degree. I do *not* want to become that awesome guy that chicks won't take a chance with because he's not financially secure, and I never worried about it in the past but it sort of hit me that I'm 25 and, even if I'm wrong to worry *now*, it'll become a legitimate concern within a few years. Nobody respects a guy in their *late* twenties who is still a bum.
Not complaining, though. Just means it's time to do something, like Owl and myself said.
-
They hate the milksop, timid guy who needs a clear "YES IT IS SAFE - I DO WANT YOU" sign (and you know what, even if she said that, you'd probably say "are you sure??")
Very true. Confidence (not swagger) goes a long way.
1. Rejection of my advances would damage the existing friendship, not just leave me at square one.
small price to pay
2. I want to be a gentleman. WAAAY too much bad stuff has happened because of guys who wanted to be, ahem, "forceful". I'm not that type of person.
Oh, come on. That's just an excuse. I consider myself a gentleman. But I also act on a flirt. I'm not saying dive in and grab her tits. I am saying if you feel it's a flirt, it's ok to put your arm around her first chance you get. But I'll bet you wouldn't DARE do that.
3. I'm a puss.
That's the problem, LS. The only thing that will help this is confidence, which you have about none. Do what Shard said.
-
I'll mark down another one for the have to do something time. Been thinking today that it's only another 15 months, which might sound like a lot but really isn't, and I'll be hitting 30. Makes me wonder what happened to the last decade.
While I've got the job thing sorted, I never did seem to have much luck in the romance stakes. It's time to suck in the gut and dig deep into the confidence to see who's out there. :)
-
The trick for turning 30 and not noticing is to continue to be really, really immature. Like me.
The downside to this plan is that you'll be really quite immature. Like me.
-
You could always go for the midlife crisis, too. That way you get to turn 30 as a responsible adult and THEN be really quite immature afterwards. And you get to hit on twenty year old girls.
-
I know a guy who has been besotted with me for almost 2 years, and it drives me batshit insane that even though he was (and i suppose, is) a great guy with whom i had a great friendship, i can't so much as compliment his new haircut without his face lighting up, heralding the imminent arrival of yet another 'I need to tell you how I feel, just give me a chance, I swear we were meant to be together' conversation. He pretty much forces me to treat him badly, because if i show any affection (hugging him when he got promoted) he takes it as a sign that i am desperate to bear his children. I dont really believe in mixed signals - only people who want to see something that isnt there.
Not reopen the issue here, because I consider this session of Love Stinks to be wrapped, but isn't it better to have people besotted with you? Doesn't it make you feel good? (I mean, I get it if they're like hiding in the bushes types, but you know what I mean.) Wouldn't you rather have someone interested in you than no one?
-
Meh. It's flattering when the bitches are all up ons but it's also kind of a pain in the ass, particularly if you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. I was in Richmond over New Year's and I was trying to hook up with one of my exes for some rebound whoopie, only I drank too much on new years eve and I guess I ended up making out with one of her friends? I don't remember!
The last thing I remember is making out with my ex and then I woke up in some other girl's apartment. Good times! Fortunately I'm pretty sure my extreme intoxication kept me from fooling around with her too much.
Anyway, normally this wouldn't be a big deal, no harm no foul, but now the girl who took me home has a massive chick boner for me and won't leave me alone. What the crap is up with girls and texting? I try to be nice but I can only answer like three text messages before I start ignoring them. It's doubly annoying since I'm still hoping to make some time with my ex and the new girl with the massive crush on me was ALWAYS AROUND for the rest of the time I was in town.
Fortunately I was talking to my ex yesterday and she said next time I was down in the capital of the confederacy I could just stay with her, so. Good times.
To summarize, sure it's flattering when a chick has a boner for you, but it's also kind of annoying when you have to constantly rebuff them without hurting their feelings, and it's a massive pain in the ass when it gets in the way of you pursuing other ladies.
-
Not reopen the issue here, because I consider this session of Love Stinks to be wrapped, but isn't it better to have people besotted with you? Doesn't it make you feel good? (I mean, I get it if they're like hiding in the bushes types, but you know what I mean.) Wouldn't you rather have someone interested in you than no one?
To be honest, no, I'd rather not have someone "interested" in me beyond a simple, passing flirt. Complicates life way too much.
Being "interested" in someone over time is silly. Either act on the interest, or lose interest.
-
To be honest, no, I'd rather not have someone "interested" in me beyond a simple, passing flirt. Complicates life way too much.
Being "interested" in someone over time is silly. Either act on the interest, or lose interest.
Unless they're a waitress or bartender! Flirting with bartenders probably saved me a grand or two in college.
-
Yes indeed. ALWAYS flirt with the help. Not just waiting staff. Receptionists. And personal assistants. The ones who do the REAL work. Especially if you've got a job interview. They're the ones who might just happen to jog the interviewers memory. Seriously.
-
You need a female opinion sir!
Now that I am wise and married, I've learned that men and women aren't really very good at being friends. I mean I love my husband. But he is completely different than I am, and sometimes his crazy way of looking at the world drives me totally insane. For example: how can he sit on the couch and play video games after work when there is so much to DO from 5-10pm on a weeknight? Go out to dinner, do laundry, paint the kitchen, learn to play the guitar, SOMETHING etc. CRAZY MALES. And how can he stand being alone in the tv room for four hours in a row?! Doesn't he get lonely and bored without someone to talk to? Argh.
Anyway, I guess I am saying that men and women are very very different, and while they compliment each other in a relationship, THE FRIEND ZONE isn't really that great of a place to be. There are only really two ways that the road can end: romantical and non-existent. Make a move!! Crushes are worthless.
-
For example: how can he sit on the couch and play video games after work when there is so much to DO from 5-10pm on a weeknight? Go out to dinner, do laundry, paint the kitchen, learn to play the guitar, SOMETHING etc. CRAZY MALES. And how can he stand being alone in the tv room for four hours in a row?
Why woman always want brain on? Need break.
Doesn't he get lonely and bored without someone to talk to? Argh.
The cure for male loneliness and boredom is sex. Talking is the price we have to pay for the cure. ;D
I keed, I keed....maybe :P
-
The cure for male loneliness and boredom is sex. Talking is the price we have to pay for the cure. ;D
I keed, I keed....maybe :P
It's cheaper than the $2000 you'd pay at the Bunny Ranch.
-
The cure for male loneliness and boredom is sex. Talking is the price we have to pay for the cure. ;D
I keed, I keed....maybe :P
It's cheaper than the $2000 you'd pay at the Bunny Ranch.
Did you just say talk is cheap?
*slaps you with a large trout*
-
You need a female opinion sir!
Now that I am wise and married, I've learned that men and women aren't really very good at being friends. I mean I love my husband. But he is completely different than I am, and sometimes his crazy way of looking at the world drives me totally insane. For example: how can he sit on the couch and play video games after work when there is so much to DO from 5-10pm on a weeknight? Go out to dinner, do laundry, paint the kitchen, learn to play the guitar, SOMETHING etc.
He is doing something. He's playing video games. That's not just something; that's an awesome something. Looking at your list of alternative activities, going out to dinner might be fun, but is also needlessly expensive. Everything else on there is a pain in the ass. Do laundry? Paint the kitchen!? You think he's weird because he'd rather play video games than paint the kitchen.
CRAZY FEMALES
-
CRAZY FEMALES
Redundant statement, sir!
-
Paint the Kitchen? Laundry?
Aren't those Weekend jobs? O.o
But yeah, Why keep going once the work day is over? Why not relax with something that doesn't have consequences for failure apart from losing one of your mans, and yet have (nearly) the same feeling as winning a sports tournament when you succeed? :P
Aside: To hell with sports >.>
Anyway, as I see it, this is how my weekdays usually go:
9-5: Work Time.
5-10: Defrag time.
10-9: Reboot time.
My brain is well-oiled circuitboard!
...
wait... >.>
-
Paint the Kitchen? Laundry?
Aren't those Weekend jobs? O.o
Yes, weekend jobs you hire other people to do for you.
-
*raises a glass to Loveshack*
*isn't drunk enough to inflict his romantic history on the Village*
All I can say is... Women... Can't live with them, can't live without them.
Which isn't to say it doesn't damn well hurt, on occasion.
-
humbug! we are the doers of the world!
speaking of video games, jon got this game for the wii called "house of the dead 2 and 3," a re-mix of the old zombie arcade game. you use the wiimote as a gun and shoot zombies!!!! it rulz!
-
*didn't mean any offence to the females of the UV*
One day, I shall tell you the stories of (deleted) and (deleted). One day, when I have drunk enough to talk about them but not enough to fall asleep (but that is a mighty slim window). Let's just say it hurts.
Xerxes.
-
we are the doers of the world!
...
Hey look, all women can't take credit for the work of Paris Hilton and Pamela Anderson. ;)
-
humbug! we are the doers of the world!
But we invented fire! And beer! We invented democracy and then we were even nice enough to let you have the vote!
-
and then we were even nice enough to let you have the vote!
Nobody's perfect. ;)
*runs away*
-
Zing!
-
DID YOU JUST ZING ME!?!?!?!
i will stand by the previous comment that you men can't live without women. i mean, that is what you said, right xerxes?
-
DID YOU JUST ZING ME!?!?!?!
i will stand by the previous comment that you men can't live without women. i mean, that is what you said, right xerxes?
I thought he was saying "zing" because of my comment but maybe I'm wrong? :anxious:
-
I met a girl yesterday. She doesn't know it yet, but she's mine. I god damn love this part of the game!
-
DID YOU JUST ZING ME!?!?!?!
i will stand by the previous comment that you men can't live without women. i mean, that is what you said, right xerxes?
Baybeh, I'd zing you anytime ;D
But yes, Brugdor was right :P
-
But yes, Brugdor was right :P
Proving that there is indeed a first time for everything. :dizzy:
-
Aaaaand now I've got a date on thursday. Everyone who thinks love stinks is crazy. I love them bitches!
-
Aaaaand now I've got a date on thursday. Everyone who thinks love stinks is crazy. I love them bitches!
*laughs*
I gotta say, it's stories like yours that make a gal smile. *nods* Good work Than. :D
-
Aaaaand now I've got a date on thursday. Everyone who thinks love stinks is crazy. I love them bitches!
I'm not an expert by any means, but I think most women don't like to be called bitches unless you say it sweetly! "I love you, bitch." "You're so good to me, bitch." "You better not be running around on me, bitch."
Stuff like that.
-
Annnnnd who has the date Thursday, m'friend?
-
I'm not an expert by any means, but I think most women don't like to be called bitches unless you say it sweetly! "I love you, bitch." "You're so good to me, bitch." "You better not be running around on me, bitch."
Stuff like that.
...
if by sweetly you mean creepy
-
I'm not an expert by any means, but I think most women don't like to be called bitches unless you say it sweetly! "I love you, bitch." "You're so good to me, bitch." "You better not be running around on me, bitch."
Stuff like that.
Hey now. 10,000 hip hop "artists" can't be wrong can they?
-
Aaaaand now I've got a date on thursday. Everyone who thinks love stinks is crazy. I love them bitches!
Live it to the fullest, Than.
-
Annnnnd who has the date Thursday, m'friend?
Girlies tend to love a bad boy, I'll admit. Touche' Shard.
-
Girlies tend to love a bad boy, I'll admit. Touche' Shard.
It's not that they love bad boys, it's that they like self-confidence, something jerks pull off fairly well (even if it's simply a front for a lot of them).
The problem with "nice guys" is they tend to view the early stages of dating from the standpoint of what they can bring to the relationship.
That is a road to Hell paved with good intentions.
In the early stages, it's about what the other party can do for you, not what you can do for the other party. If the other party jerks you around, move on. This goes for both genders. As the relationship matures, if it's a good one, you will--and should--naturally transition to a much less "selfish" view of things .
-
The other mistake that 'nice guys' make is they try to wait for the 'right time' to make a move, which is nuts. If you're interested in a girl you have to make it clear that you want the hot make-outs as soon as not-creepily possible. It took me a week to go from meeting this girl to asking her out, and the only reason it took that long was I was down in richmond for an ex's birthday for the weekend and I didn't think it was super classy to make dates while I was ardently pursuing hot ex-lovin'.
The other way can work too I guess, but nuts to that. I strongly believe in the Tarzan school of dating. Me Tarzan. You Jane. Jane Tarzan's woman now.
edit: also, I am not an jerk in the 'bad boyfriend' sense; I don't cheat or lie to my women or treat them bad or whatnot. I treat them bitches like gold! It's true that I am an asshole in the sense that I like cursing and I'm not a pussy. At least I tell myself I'm not a pussy.
I'M NOT A PUSSY GOD DAMN IT
shouting that on the internet is totally normal right
edit edit: also, wish me look tonight everyone! I am excited. I haven't been on a first date for almost four years. Let's hope I still remember how to be BLINDINGLY CHARISMATIC
-
Girls don't go for the 'bad boy' as often as guys who can't ask a girl out imagine they do.
Girls go for a confident guy who doesn't passively aggressively dislike them. Girls do in fact, by nature, NOT like a wimpy guy. Or, as Than so nicely put it...pussies. Once a gal sees you that way, it's pretty much impossible to change that opinion.
Than respects the ladies, it comes across any time one of these discussions comes up. Can he be a jerk sometimes? Well I guess so, who isn't sometimes. But a gal will take a guy who is a jerk over a guy sitting in the corner crying to himself cause the gal he’s loved for 4 years still doesn’t notice him.
p.s. Good luck on your date. I have not been on a first date in...um...16 years, so I would very much like to know how it goes!!
-
Girls don't go for the 'bad boy' as often as guys who can't ask a girl out imagine they do.
You say that now, but a motorcycle and some tats give the wearer eerie powers.
-
Girls don't go for the 'bad boy' as often as guys who can't ask a girl out imagine they do.
You say that now, but a motorcycle and some tats give the wearer eerie powers.
((...why don't we have a raised eyebrow smile face?!))
anyway. plenty of nice guys ride motorcycles and have tattoos. I think the days of those being 'bad boy' things went out with sideburns and bouffant hairdos. *nods*
-
I will definitely keep you posted Sylvee! Update number one: All of my coworkers said I wasn't allowed to wear my shoes on a first date, so my gay buddy Rich and I went shopping on our lunch break and I bought new boots.
UPDATE COMPLETE
-
anyway. plenty of nice guys ride motorcycles and have tattoos. I think the days of those being 'bad boy' things went out with sideburns and bouffant hairdos. *nods*
Well, I think it's more of wanting a nice guy with a bad boy image. The bad boy with a heart of gold. The bad boy who can be tamed by the right woman. Basically like that emo douche from Twilight.
-
((...why don't we have a raised eyebrow smile face?!))
anyway. plenty of nice guys ride motorcycles and have tattoos. I think the days of those being 'bad boy' things went out with sideburns and bouffant hairdos. *nods*
Sideburns will never die! NEVER
-
Sideburns will never die! NEVER
The man has a point.
-
My greying sideburns are the height of style!
-
lol
ok, fair enough.
so then a mans equivalent of the bouffant?
which of course brings to mind....
-
((...why don't we have a raised eyebrow smile face?!))
(http://i159.photobucket.com/albums/t136/rukia26/Smiley/ththdcc47f051.gif)
http://i159.photobucket.com/albums/t136/rukia26/Smiley/ththdcc47f051.gif
-
((...why don't we have a raised eyebrow smile face?!))
:inquisitive: <----- pour votre plaisir, madame
-
((...why don't we have a raised eyebrow smile face?!))
:inquisitive: <----- pour votre plaisir, madame
I like this one :worried:
-
This thread needs more beard...because I know the Bee is such a fan of them. ;D
-
Okay, so! I think my date went pretty well. I drove over to her house, picked her up, met her dog (a Rott mix named Leela, from Futuaram, which is awesome). We went to a thai place for dinner, I tried one of her mussels. During dinner she found out I had never had raw oysters, so we went to an oyster bar she frequents and had oysters with a couple drinks. I paid for dinner; she paid for the drinks, but they were only like 1/3 of what they should have been because she knew the bartenders at the oyster bar, so I let her get away with it.
At the end of the night I only got a hug, but I could tell all along that she wasn't interested in moving too quickly. I kept her laughing all night and she did tell me to definitely call her to go out again, so I think I'm in pretty good shape.
That's the date synopsis. As for my opinion of the girl...
She's smoking hot, she's got a hookah in her bedroom, she likes to go out and have fun, she has a rott, she plays video games, she's a bartender, she's pre-med - She will be mine. Oh yes. She will be mine.
-
:thumbsup:
she sounds almost to perfect...cept she likes raw oysters, everyone has to have a flaw. lol
nice to hear the date when well. Did she notice your boots? And what's your opinion on raw oysters?
-
:thumbsup:
she sounds almost to perfect...cept she likes raw oysters, everyone has to have a flaw. lol
nice to hear the date when well. Did she notice your boots? And what's your opinion on raw oysters?
Sure ignore my beardedness! Just..FINE!
*mopes in a corner while brushing his beard out over a plate to try and find some lunch*
-
This thread needs more beard...because I know the Bee is such a fan of them. ;D
I like beards. I do not like a mustache or side burns that grow out to far and turn into mutton chops...I especially do not like the mutton chops and mustache to merge together....but a beard I do not mind. :D
-
I like beards. I do not like a mustache or side burns that grow out to far and turn into mutton chops...I especially do not like the mutton chops and mustache to merge together....but a beard I do not mind. :D
I thought I remembered you saying I should shave mine off way back in the day. Or maybe it's just that you wanted to see pics of me when I didn't have the beard (which I never found)?
-
I think only certain men can wear a beard with style.
Either it's stylish bearded man or homeless man/art teacher.
Doesn't seem to be a happy medium.
-
I think only certain men can wear a beard with style.
Either it's stylish bearded man or homeless man/art teacher.
Doesn't seem to be a happy medium.
Hehe, well when mine is trimmed it looks a bit like James Lipton's and I get compliments on it. Right now it looks more like the homeless/art teacher guy. I was shooting for Grizzly Adamsish but it's never going to get that long. ;D
-
p.s. Good luck on your date. I have not been on a first date in...um...16 years, so I would very much like to know how it goes!!
Been about 10 for me.
I loved dating - a lot - but I love being married too.
Than - glad to hear this is going well. You remind me of.... me :) Not sure how that bodes for you.
-
p.s. Good luck on your date. I have not been on a first date in...um...16 years, so I would very much like to know how it goes!!
Been about 10 for me.
I loved dating - a lot - but I love being married too.
I don't know if I love dating...I married my first boyfriend and we met in high school. High school 'dating' doesn't seem to be like adult dating. I knew him for almost a year as a friend before we went on that 'first date' lol
I've always thought I'd hate it. Don't know, I've been comfortable and married for so long, dating just seems awkward and uncomfortable.
-
Dating is awkward and uncomfortable. I prefer to hang out with a girl... alone >.>
It is different, shut up <.<
I've been out of the dating scene for 4 years myself. However, totally not entirely my fault. I persued the wrong girl and went into a depressed slump for a while before realising I'd turned into a bearded hermit. And for the record, my beard makes me look like a professor or a lazy bum. :P
However since I'm going back to uni in 2 weeks, I plan to change that. Now I just need to distinguish between taken and not-so-taken ;D
-
Dating is awkward and uncomfortable. I prefer to hang out with a girl... alone >.>
It is different, shut up <.<
I've been out of the dating scene for 4 years myself. However, totally not entirely my fault. I persued the wrong girl and went into a depressed slump for a while before realising I'd turned into a bearded hermit. And for the record, my beard makes me look like a professor or a lazy bum. :P
However since I'm going back to uni in 2 weeks, I plan to change that. Now I just need to distinguish between taken and not-so-taken ;D
My last relationship permanently broke me in regard to even trying again. It's been over 10 years since I've gone out with anyone as more than a friend. Of course the last few years being a hermit has been kind of forced on me with my health issues but I doubt being out and about would have changed much. I just came to the realization that some people are meant to be single and I'm one of those people. I'm happier not dealing with all the nonsense and, as many might have noticed over my years here, compromise isn't particularly a strength of mine. :P
-
I did the same thing Syl! And I kind of feel the same way about dating - really fun to hear about, but kind of...exhausting. Ha. Although I think after the first or second date, you generally *get* the other person enough to be able to hang out alone and have a good time together. I think dating is way better than meeting people at bars and then hooking up with them. :/
I love it when hubby takes me on dates though! Oh man I love going out with a boy. So fun.