help, advice needed

[Sylvee Bee]

ok - so I found out something...and now knowing it, I feel I must DO something.

*sighs*


Some kids at my daughters school have made a fake Facebook account. They were pretending to be some 19 year old guy from the next city over....and started chatting up a girl at school. She is 13....and over the last month (that I know of) she has 'fallen' for him, and even at one time - last week - was going to meet him.

She waited outside the school for 2 hours one day, of course she was 'stood up', as the pretend guy never showed up.

The thing is, I feel this is beyond a simple innocent prank. but I want to tread carefully, as I don't want my daughter ( or her friend who told me about it ) to be picked on in school cause they were the ones who 'told'

But - she is 13!  Lord knows what sort of stuff she was saying, or pictures she was sending to this guy. Who in her mind was real, and by the poetry she's wrote to him on her facebook - she believed she was falling for.

His profile  picture was some hunky underwear model I am sure. lol -  Only a child would believe that was a real guy. 

Anyway I've already contacted Facebook and the account (and his pretend brother) were deleted.  I am not sure what else I should do. Should I drop it? Should I contact her parents, go to the Sister at school? (it's a catholic school)

My worry is that if this group of kids have personal pictures of her, or private things she said, that they could still use it to harass her via the net. 

Advice, opinions???

[Doombot]

Mmmm...

There was a similar situation where the mother created a online identity for her daughter's rival. The girl who was fooled eventually committed suicide. The mother had some sort of legal repercussion. I don't know if she was convicted of anything.

So... I don't know if you knowing opens some sort of legal liablility for you if anything happens to that girl.

I think if nothing is said, there's nothing to prevent them from creating another Facebook/Livejournal/Myspace account and trying again. Perhaps going to the Sister and telling them your concerns? Is there a way to stop them without bring your daughter and her friend into it?

But I think you should pursue it. You never know what harm might come out of it if it's not stopped.

**Hugs**

Edit: Found it. Suicide of Megan Meier

[Sylvee Bee]

*nods*

Agreed, Doombot - my daughter has already implied that this girl in question is the easily depressed sort of person, who might go home and harm herself, where she to find out about this.  These kids doing this to her are bullies, so it doesn't surprise me that she is weak that way, they prey on that sort. *sighs*  Of course, all the more reason for her parents to be warned.

If I knew it was ended, I might drop it - but then again, these kids felt they have gotten away with this one, this time - what is to stop them from doing it again. As you said. From what my daughters friend told me (she is friends with the bullies) one of the boys told his Mom about it, and she thinks it's funny. That doesn't shock me either, if the kid is a bully he had to learn it from someone.  I would like to believe that adults would not find humor in a thing like this, but I suppose the world is not a perfect place.

[Doombot]

*nods*

Agreed, Doombot - my daughter has already implied that this girl in question is the easily depressed sort of person, who might go home and harm herself, where she to find out about this.  These kids doing this to her are bullies, so it doesn't surprise me that she is weak that way, they prey on that sort. *sighs*  Of course, all the more reason for her parents to be warned.

If I knew it was ended, I might drop it - but then again, these kids felt they have gotten away with this one, this time - what is to stop them from doing it again. As you said. From what my daughters friend told me (she is friends with the bullies) one of the boys told his Mom about it, and she thinks it's funny. That doesn't shock me either, if the kid is a bully he had to learn it from someone.  I would like to believe that adults would not find humor in a thing like this, but I suppose the world is not a perfect place.

And before I forget... kudos for caring. =)

Most people would label it under: "Not my problem".

[Brugdor]

My advice would definitely be to do something. This sort of behavior can escalate as Doomsie showed us. Maybe you can find a way to do it anonymously so your daughter doesn't get pulled into it.

[Swash]

That sort of thing is officially counted as bullying over here.
I'd say report it to the sister but let her know you're concerned about your daughter being counter-bullied over it.

A good way to make sure she's not suspected as having dobbed the rest in would be for her to stand the same punishment as the rest of them.

[Hoopy Frood]

I see two options:

Talk to this girl's parents directly and let her know the situation. Explain to her the situation that mentioning this to her could put your daughter in a precarious position so she should not mention where she got the info from.

...or...

Talk to a Sister at the school you know you can trust. Let them know that you have this info from your daughter and that they are to keep you and your daughter's name out of it. Then have them contact the parents of the girl.

Regardless of which one you choose, you should inform your daughter of what you plan to do.

[Hoopy Frood]

A good way to make sure she's not suspected as having dobbed the rest in would be for her to stand the same punishment as the rest of them.

Interesting idea, but something seems wrong about punishing the innocent for the sins of the guilty and the fact that her daughter and daughter's friends weren't actually involved in the creation of the web page, it might actually bring attention to them.

It seems that a lot of people other than the creators know about the prank. I think there's a large enough pool for the two girls to hide in.

[Swash]

A good way to make sure she's not suspected as having dobbed the rest in would be for her to stand the same punishment as the rest of them.

Interesting idea, but something seems wrong about punishing the innocent for the sins of the guilty and the fact that her daughter and daughter's friends weren't actually involved in the creation of the web page, it might actually bring attention to them.

It seems that a lot of people other than the creators know about the prank. I think there's a large enough pool for the two girls to hide in.

Yar, I misread.  The first time I read through I got the impression Sylvie's daughter was involved in it, not just someone who'd found out about it.  So yeah, punishment thing would be bad.  Unless it's the entire class/year level that gets punished for it.

[Sylvee Bee]

As far as I know, it is 3 boys involved in it - and one girl.   The girl is a friend of my daughters friend....so the people don't even know my daughter first hand.

*thinks*

*nods* sounds right. lol

Meh - anyway, I've decided to just call the school and tell the Sister there via the phone. I dropped by the school today to drop some stuff off for my daughter and considered going to the office then, but I swear every kid that walked by me, I imagined they were glaring at me. lol

I don't even care so much that these kids get punished, and since I don't know their names it's not like my daughter has really 'told' on them. I'd just like this gals parents to be in the know.  Once the parents find out what has happened they can handle is as they wish.

[Night Owl]

Once the parents find out what has happened they can handle is as they wish.

Including telling the school (or worse, the offender's parents) who told them... might be a bad idea. They could go all ballistic over this - you never know.

The people at the school would be more likely to keep "who told" quiet. Then *they* can tell the girl's parents.

By the way, the boys at the school weren't glaring at you...